Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Confessions of the Forbidden Love: The Lover that was

"Love that we cannot have is the one that Last the longest, Hurts the deepest and Feels the Strongest" Anonymous 

As I draw the curtains to a successful year that was, yet painful it has been. I can only be grateful to the bond we have shared for the last 2 years. Following my confessions in my first letter read here, I decided it’s worth writing to you (this second part) as I put my loss behind me. I will close my eyes and speak from deep my heart. First, I endeavour not to drag you along to 2015 but instead cross over without any remorse or burden. Secondly, I reckon that you will forever be still and understand that life has to move on. I will no longer cry over spilt milk but search for the calf to breed for more milk. Finally, that’s how I choose to live the next phase of my life.

Yes, I'm aware of my selfishness, it’s all about me, but the thought of you leaving is an incentive to look for someone else. So that I will share this love you have taught me, these emotions will kill me if I don't find someone soon. I cannot stand seeing you this near to departing and being helpless. For your information, before I met you I was with, Ellen, when she left I met Emery, another beautiful blonde, Emery did not last long, in a week’s time I met Emilie, though she had a slender and small stature, I loved cuddling with her. However, due to unavoidable circumstances, we had to part, ours lasted a couple of months.

The list is endless, finally, I met Erine, in one of those emotional occasions, yes, it was during a wedding.  We talked, laughed and even hugged on the first day. I offered to walk her home, unaware that she lived in another city. In one of those cities that take 6-7 hours by car. Luckily, she turned me down; she saved my long slender twigs from the torturous nature of our mother land’s roads. But what she did not know is that I fell in love with her, from the strands of my hair to the nails on my toes, held together by my heels. From that day I never found sleep, or rest or satisfaction from the best meals my mum cooked. You know she is the best cook on earth, right, after your mother of course.

Unwittingly, I say that because, neither cell nor nerve in my body resisted my relocation to Erine's city. I went there to pursue her, with all my strength, energy, few pennies and my whole mental wit. I knew it was a big risk, but I went there despite all the advice I got against such a move. I simply trusted my instincts. Summarily, after stalking her for ages and sending tonnes of flowers to her office, she gave in.  I simply single handed turned her premises to a flower shop. I later heard, that her boss was getting millions for selling and exporting flowers. Perhaps I should have opened a flower shop for her next to the office. That way I would still make sure she was surrounded by flowers every day and made money out of it. It would have been a worthy investment for us. I would get the money and she could get the serenity surrounded by the flowers sold at the shop without spending my money.  

To be honest, I lied about this when you asked me about Erine's story. I didn't want to bother you with the nitty gritty. No, in fact, I didn't want to touch base with the feelings I had for her. She was the most loving, cheerful, humorous and the queen that made me conqueror of my kingdom. I never wanted you to compete with that. That’s why I didn’t tell you anything. I am guilty of that, yes I accept but I'm guilty of many other things. For instance, I am guilty of allowing you to intrude and make me cheat on Erine, Yes, when I met you, I was with her, for your information that time she was pregnant with our first child or maybe it was twins. The flesh of my flesh, the blood of my blood, saliva of my saliva.

I'm Guilty, very guilty indeed; because I let my lust for you distort my thinking. I know I said I was single; you don’t have to feel guilty. I am the one to blame. For that very reason, I saw you and saw Erine, I don't know what happened to me. I remember when I proposed to Erine, I promised her never ever to look at another woman lustily, that she had stolen my lust and hid it in a faraway country. That my eyes were for her, only for her. That I was never to compare any woman to her. Not even attempt to match her standards to that of another woman. Erine was to be the only apple tree in my Orchard that I would eat from.

For heaven’s sake, then you appeared. I think the devil is smart or that he really was an angel sometime. You appeared to be concealed in an angelic aura. I reckon that's why you might have obscured my judgement. You made me do something that I had never done before in the years of my life. I broke my promise to Erine, which I had strongly decided to keep. What is more shocking though was the fact that you made me break a promise to myself. I hope by now you understand when I say I'm selfish, this is the very reason that I will be forever haunted as you leave now.

I remember the day I opened up to Erine. It was exactly two months after I had met you. It took me that long to gather the courage to let her know that I had broken the promise I swore with all my earthly might to keep. Since that very incident, her health deteriorated never to recover from what seemed like a nightmare. Later, she succumbed to depression, a few weeks after loosing our child. For a moment, I felt like taking the plunge and following her and our baby even to the deepest trench in hell. Whatever it would have taken for me to pay for my betrayal. Then I thought, for a while, nothing I could ever do would bring back our child and Erine to me. That's how I ended with you, maybe it was by design, maybe by default. Perhaps you were my healer or the deliverer of my punishment. 

For now I will no longer mourn, I bet you re in a better place. I will move on and cross over without any trace of remorse. I have confessed my days and I have appreciated our union, nothing meant the world than the sight of you. I pray that you forever be happy in your new resting place. Know that you will find an angel that you surely deserve. I am and will be forever grateful for your love. I can confidently say, you taught me to love.

From deep down my heart, thank you for your love.  2014 HAS BEEN GREAT BUT TRUSTING GOD 2015 WILL BE GREATER.

Special dedication to you, Good bye my lover James Blunt

I have written in this letter IN LOVING MEMORY of you.
R. I. P my ONE, and only, Hate iT or Conquer, you brought SENSE in my life. I will miss you.
Your loving, caring and forever grateful Lover.
Signed William Moore


Thursday, 20 November 2014

Five Reasons Why Men Should Dress Women with Respect not Undress them as Prospects.

For the last few days I have watched in agony the unfolding of what I will call the “societal subterfuge” of the rot in our society. A few men, I repeat a few bogus me, both on the ground clothed as “foot soldiers”, (sarcastically known as touts) and on social media, masquerading as the “fashion cops”, (politely known as chauvinists) of what is the right or wrong dress code for women. As I refuse to be drawn into a miniature argumentative verbalism, I will leave that to the so called fashion watchdogs.

photo courtesy of
I have intentionally left my comments to this late to simply allow the dust to settle so that I can address this issue in consideration of all perspectives without hindsight. As I always say, I think before I talk, so do I think before I blog. Over the last few days, I have seen people persecuted, some literally crucified on social media for taking sides. Whether you support #MydressMychoce or #NudityisNotmyChoice, my take is your opinion is as valid as mine. However, as human beings with common sense (though I know it’s not common to everyone) we should all first uphold RESPECT for women, before condemning their choice of dressing. It is a situation of putting the cart before the donkey, not the other way round.

Now, I simply think both sides have lost the fight and miserably failed to address the main issues, rather they have undressed their Nincompoop-mediocre reasoning whether of chauvinists, feminists, sexists, atheist or men of the cloth. Literally they have publicly slept and dinned with the devil himself without their knowledge by merely pursuing short-lived pleasurable innuendos as being the first to rant their two- cents sentiments.

Photo C/
Forgive me for the hardheaded and soiled words, it feels like insults but this is what happens when a sane mind, I mean a mind that is functional, can get when such despicable inhumane acts can be unleashed to the very species that is we-men- not only share same class but the very beings that have been sacrificed to bring forth the children of our motherland. Now, to avoid digressing from expressing my sentiments let me try and articulate why I believe men should RESPECT WOMEN and all beings (quite sarcastic to see such a placard displayed, speaks volume of the emotive motive)

#1 “A Woman brought you to this world hence you have no right to disrespect one”- Tupac. No matter how big or small, short or long D*** head you have grown to be, she gave her all to see you forth into this life. If you don’t give a hoot about that, ask the millions either drained down the sewer system or the dead an buried in cemeteries what it felt like being aborted or struggled to death and denied an opportunity to live. Absolutely, for this very reason a WOMAN deserves respect, whether she is your blood relative or not.

#2 God created man to protect not neglect, embrace not disgrace a WOMAN –Mathew 2:18-25. It is such a disgrace to see a MAN turn into a beast and devour the very flock he is supposed to look after. Who shall the flock run too? As men folk we should live to our desired obligations not misuse the very strength freely given to cause malicious havoc. Then, and only then, shall we please our Lord.

Photo c/o
#3 As a man you have an obligation to control your thoughts, not let your desires control your upstairs. How then can your fellow men or even your own children respect you back if you are quick to blame your poor judgment on your aroused penis as a replacement to your brain? Remember, respect is earned not demanded, if you respect women then they respect you.

#4 Any forceful undressing of a WOMAN amounts to RAPE and nothing less.  Any man who undresses a woman either in private or in public without her utter consent beyond doubt is a RAPIST and a MANIAC, a disgrace to humanity. He deserves to face the bullet as he has defamed the very nudity he is trying hard to cover. Nothing falls short of honor than a man who undresses a WOMAN without her consent looks into eyes and goes home smiles at his mother, wife, sister, daughter or any lady. Simply you are a BEAST.

#5 It is not in the nature of man to “Mansplain” instead men should be able to simply explain their displeasure with a situation. When the menfolk become a pack of complainers then the society is thrown into a pandemonium as we have witnessed the last few days.  Men should be leaders who only seek to show direction. If you cannot respect your mother or even wife or daughter, then respect yourself that way you can be respected. Let’s not put the entire menfolk into jeopardy, the world still need us.

Photo c/o
That said I rest my pride as a man and instead call upon our ladies to also try and swallow theirs as I have found it does not get you fat in any way. I admit that the world is no longer in the hands of our forefathers neither in our own. However, the developments have tremendously threatened to take us back to where we have fought to move from, the Stone Age era. Many women today have ignorantly tried to compete with their great grandmothers who were unfortunate not to have seen what clothes looked like.  They expose what is meant to be disposed; they seek to draw forth what is supposed to be withdrawn from, whereas they want to get away with such atrocious acts in the midst of the prying perverted eyes of their opposites. I mean it’s like an antelope attempting to catwalk in the midst of hungry pack of lions assuming that the lions might not be having teeth to do any harm. Simply, you put yourself at the mercy of beast.

The earlier we all realize that the human race is faced by an imminent catastrophic disaster pitying pornographic exposure vs. Moral decorum then the faster we will all put our heads together and instead of undressing the dress we then address the test. In the meantime let’s retrace our tracks and find out where we actually went wrong in the first place. Together we stand divided we fall.

 I subscribe to DIGNITY, RESPECT AND JUSTICE FOR ALL, a good course it is. 

William Murithi, © 2014

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Our History, Our Heritage: Embracing our Origin for a Prosperous Future

“Knock,............knock,................................knock………………….. knock!”

Before we could even respond to the robust knock on the door, it gave way. As the door slowly curved in, a huge chisel-shaped human figure that almost scared the life out of us was appearing. For a   minute I held tightly on my grandmother’s left leg. I’m sure she might have been shaken by my cowardly act than by the monster of a figure at our kitchen door. 

photo courtesy of ancestral voices 
This was not an everyday occurrence that someone would appear from nowhere, unannounced just when my grandmother’s tales had taken the life out of our playful nights. However, this time it was not only a surprise but also one of those moments that stuck with you for half a century of your life. Mambo Jogu, had travelled miles on foot as he made his way to Katongu village after years of isolation in the far hills of Kiambogo. One of my late grandfather’s kinsmen, he was sentenced to years of tumultuous exile, despite the generous sacrifices and pleadings of my grandfather concerning his innocence.

Mambo Jogu, or simply MJ had years ago defied his forefathers deeply held traditions by ignoring the summons of the Njamba Noru (council of elders) after his heinous acts of impunity. To the ridicule of many, MJ was sentenced to exile for 40 harvest seasons (translated to 20 years) and was required never to be seen in the vicinity of Katongu until the years had elapsed. As a consequence of defying this order, his head would be presented to as a sacrifice to appease the ancestors. MJ had no choice than to honor his day in court rather than face his ancestors.  Nonetheless the village was not devoid of such acts. What was not clear is why the kinsmen of Katongu had seen it fit to send one of its brave men into wilderness.

“Ariririririririiii riiii riiii” my grandmother’s joy was beyond belief. I have never seen her being overwhelmed like this before.

We all jumped on our feet and stampeded to the door almost crushing my grandmother’s cherished gourd that stored last night’s brew.

“CHILDREN, CHILDREN…. Watch your steps or I will send you to sleep” (This sent a chill down our spine knowing how true she was to her words.)

Though it sounded a bit harsh at the moment as most of us were acting out of our own will as everyone was caught by surprise, obedience was called for without second thoughts. In a short while MJ was settled and clutching a mug of Granma’s porridge unperturbed, his face betraying the emotions we all had amassed since he stepped in.

The unfolding events in the last couple of minutes imbibed into my thoughts as if the concentration substrate had conspired to cause a PH imbalance. As I sat still, my palms sunk in my cheeks as if to deflate the last traces of air from within. It had never occurred to me before how the face of cruelty could turn its wrath on its son till this moment. They had come to witness one of its sons, go through the wrath of this deeply held traditions. For once, I was lost for words as to where did such repulsive customs originate from. However, it must never go unsaid that this same culture had made heroes celebrated worldwide as well as labeled the bravest of men’s as cowards.

No matter how inquisitive I was no woman or man in the village of Katongo had acquired the
photo courtesy of
courage to satisfy my thirst for answers. They all seemed surprised of my braveness to question these beliefs of their claimed gods. Since then I came to understand the origin of my clan’s cautiousness. Everyone seemed not to exercise some criticism to the traditions, taboos, and all the tribe’s does and don’ts. However, I appreciated their continued perceptions of those that dared to break away from this culture in pursuit of their beliefs. It might have been a taboo to break away from what seemed to have become a norm. How fortunate were my kinsmen that they had lived in tandem with all the mysteries surrounding them without having to question their origin.

In view of the world order today, I see my kinsmen spread far and wide; they have mastered the art of all nations, both in language and cultures. Their interactions with the nations are evidenced by their intermarriages and multilingual skills. Nothing has come close to what MJ epitomized. We have become accustomed to the adventures of our thinking not the mere dictations of our kin. We endeavor to make our lives and those of our children better than our forefathers. We embody the human spirit that depicts struggles and success alike without the deceitfulness of our toils. In as much as the world has washed our history in a bid to blacken the mystery that surrounds our origin, nothing seems to defeat the fact that we have deep roots in our conservative myths and traditions.

Let it be told that our forefathers struggled to defend their origin; they sacrificed their toils for the sake of our future. Midst the race struggles they defeated the devil. They stood aloof of the fact that theirs was a fight in vain. Today we can never be wished away just because they sought to gain a true identity. They unmasked and risked to face a bitter backlash from the rest of the world, who thought they never mattered.

Although we may not be in agreement with some of their atrocious deeds, we seem confident theirs was a worthy course. One that has made us who we are and has continued to raise more mystery than history can behold. We are because they were, we shine because they persevered, and we progress because they digressed from the norm. Our forefathers lived according to what was their source of heritage, whether we term it archaic or backward. Their customs, taboos, and traditions were a testimony of their existence. Recognition that they were present before us, their existence is an attestation of our origin.

Therefore, as we celebrate the BLACK HISTORY MONTH let us be humbled by our forefathers’ acts of courage to stand put against the currents of the world. Let us embrace the culture that unites us, and preserve that which identifies us. We should remember that we are a race that should embrace each other in DEEDS and in SPIRIT. Our unity should not be a coincidence but that which was intended by our forefathers. We should not be quick to condemn those among us who stand robust of their culture in mind. However, our conscience should befit that of a hero in times of war, to stand and defend our common identity. We are yet to achieve that which we are, as we work twice as hard to access our endowments.

Let us embrace each other and live knowing that our entitlement is not a silver platter but a conscious will to overcome the hurdles that our forefathers fought to standby. Just as Mambo J. understood the heinous acts of his kinsmen and obeyed without an atom of bereavement despite a life devoid of tranquility. I urge you all to learn the art of embrace and forge forward with humility to claim that which you are entitled. The Kingship is ours, where, OUR HISTORY IS OUR HERITAGE. 

William Murithi, © 2014

Friday, 31 October 2014


Dear Graduates,

First of all, I take this opportunity to congratulate you all from the bottom of my heart on this grand occasion that marks a great milestone in your lives.

It is said that there are two days in a man’s life that really matter, the day you are BORN, and the day you discover WHY?  Therefore, don’t rest until you discover why you were born? After which you will make your day of birth worthwhile by living your God-given purpose here on earth without regrets.

Secondly, I personally agree that it is no mean fit to survive in confines of the ‘academic prison’ and emerge worthy of honor. Therefore, I understand the hastiness to depart. However, I will be quick to remind you that the end of one thing signifies the beginning of another. As you celebrate, eat and drink the much you can, dance and be jubilant as much as possible, rejoice and give thanks too and of course pocket as much notes and coins as you receive. But remember, indeed today is just but a beginning for your next encounter.

Thirdly, I understand many of you have deeply persevered to this day; some have revered this university, others have loathed and smeared this very institution that you have called your dwelling place for the last couple of years.  And many others can’t wait to kiss this ANU goodbye. For the few that wish they had more time here, bless you, we shall soon see each other often.

Nevertheless, truth be told, don’t be quick to dishonor, or curse or even demean your Alma Mata, for this institution will forever be stamped on your forehead. The fact of the matter is you will either miss it or wish you had used your time efficiently when you were here. Remember? The friends and foes, happy and sad moments, those laughter-filled and tearful days, the painful and gainful periods that you have experienced here will forever be embellished in your memories.

Finally, close to two years ago, we sat where you are seated. We were filled with excitement just like you. We felt we had conquered just as you feel now. And above all, those feelings came with a sense of achievement. However, there are some things I hope we had known earlier than we did. Please understand, I do not mean to steal joy from you or be the bearer of sad news this very significant day of your life.
All I want to do is let you into a little secret to surviving, a day, maybe a week or a month or the next couple of years of your life in this world. So I beg you, in the name of our Lord, if there is anything else you will take with you from this day other than “The Powers to Read and Write”, I beseech you take these words with you.

1.      Although, you have achieved your degree with honors (Phi Delta Labda) know that “THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING”. In fact you are a nuisance as you keep on threatening its existence with your presence. You are guaranteed nothing, so be prepared to work hard to succeed. To compete with an ever increasing list of unemployed graduates for the almost extinct Job opportunities. Therefore, hard work, networking and simply working diligently is the only key to succeed.
2.      The world outside the confines of the university is harsh. REJECTION IS REAL AND SO IS UNEMPLOYMENT. You will be rejected several times, in some cases judged by the look of your resume. Thus ensure you grow a thick skin and always stand out from the rest of the crowd, from your resume, to your personality, to your character, every little detail about you should set you apart in order to get the chance you desire; to be heard.
3.      Know that WHAT YOU CAN POTENTIALLY ACHIEVE IS MORE VALUABLE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED. Always present yourself as W.I.P (Work in Progress) rather than a finished product. You will be offered many opportunities simply based on your willingness to learn and potential to grow than your already acquired (or is it crammed?) knowledge and skills.
4.      Approximately, know that IT TAKES ABOUT 6 MONTHS BEFORE YOU CAN GET YOUR FIRST JOB. So I urge you to always wear your armor of  3 P’s -Perseverance, Persistence, and Positiveness conjoined with the 3C’s – which you are well accustomed of now, Character, Competence and Community. Consider volunteering, starting your own business and even furthering your studies. You will need to be realistic and at the same time hopeful to succeed in getting the job you need. As Zig Ziglar puts it “The door to balanced success opens widest on the hinges of HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT”.
5.      When you are young, YOU WORK TO LEARN NOT TO EARN. I know most of you will most likely be choosier based on financial gain, or will get into fields that you have not trained for. Be it sales, casual work, or data entry. My advice, do not decline any reasonable offer; the skills you gain will be valuable in your career progression. The small setbacks might be actually a set up for a better opportunity so be wise.
6.      I urge you to seek OPPORTUNITIES TO DEVELOP YOUR SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE AND TALENTS, USE YOUR TIME FOR CONSTRUCTIVE ACTIVITIES. Read those books you have put aside over the years, learn a new language, or learn to play an instrument. Just make sure you are not idol, as they say an idle mind is a devils workshop. Don’t leave room for negativity, regrets, insanity, or even vices to crop into your life. Moreover, I borrow Bob Marley’s words “…..don’t worry about a thing as everything is going to be alright”.
7.      Remember REAL CHANGE REQUIRES REAL CHANGE. It never goes unsaid that a lot will change from this day henceforth. You will need to plan your time, develop your skills on your own, take control of your career, and pay your own bills. As almost everyone seems resistant to change, you must accept change. After all during your time at the university I believe you have been prepared well and acquired characteristics necessary for success as long as you can recognize, develop and use them.
8.      In whatever you decide to do with your life, be it setting up your own business, getting married or even changing your course, DON’T BE DISTRACTED BY CRITICISM. I want you to remember that, the only taste of success that some people (critics) will ever have is when they take a bite out of you. Therefore, don’t allow the mosquito like-minded individuals to distract you from realizing your dreams. As much as you have a choice to listen to them discern and separate the wheat from the churn and make your time worthwhile.

Above all, P.G.F PUT GOD FIRST, because God has declared that he has the best plans for you. Endeavor to align your goals and dreams with his will. When you do this you will never go wrong as he will order the steps you take and help you not to veer away from your path.  Human beings perish for lack of knowledge, ensure you don’t parish because you have chosen to be ignorant. Let God be your GUIDE, the Holy Spirit be your Helper and the Bible your Source of Knowledge.

Dear graduates, today is your day, thus I have no choice rather than to let you go ahead with your celebrations. You will hear a lot of things from every nook and crack, wise and unwise, fallacies and anecdotes or hilarious and depressing, that is life.  But at the end of the day, or the beginning of the week come Monday, reality will hit hard like a thunderous headache. The choices you make there henceforth will be vital in your success in years to come and in future.  Thus, I will urge you to be diligent and do not get into a comfort zone. You will be judged harshly by the community if you don’t fulfill your mandate.

Remember you are the envy of your PEERS, the pride of your PARENTS, the hero of your VILLAGE and above all, the hope of our NATION.

Without further ado, I rest my case and hope my two pence advice will at least help you discover the right purpose and compass to find your direction in Life.

HURAAAAAAAAAAAY…… let me be the first to WELCOME YOU ALL TO THE ANU Alumni Association…………. Once again CONGRATULATIONS. 

Yours sincerely,

A Mere Citizen of our beloved Nation and Self-declared Spokesperson of the REAL WORLD

William Murithi

© 2014

Monday, 27 October 2014


 Dear my Good Landlord,

I send many greetings from the confines of my humble dwelling. Today I had no other choice than to write you this letter after receiving your eviction notice fourth time in 2 months. Although,   I must say that I'm very tired as a fat pig waiting to be slaughtered. Honestly, by the time I got home I could not even swallow last night’s leftovers. Despite the fact that it was meatless, the food was almost stale as electricity was disconnected last week. But I had to eat just to get energy to write you this letter. I'm tired of your shenanigan evictions. 

This is the only plan that is left to ensure I do not take myself to Mental Hospital by next week. I’m sure you will accept my request as you will be the most affected on my list of creditors apart from Otieno, Ijioma and Wakithomo.  Doctor, honorable, reverend landlord, I have thought hard on how to escape from my creditors, you included. I have now devised a plan, to fake mental insanity. Yes, the main reason to cling to a mental illness will be mainly to enchant the judges so that your threats to take me to jail because you are friend with Inspector Kimeu will bear no fruits. I would rather live in the confines of a mental facility than see the inside of jail with my eyes, not even in my coffin.

As you know very well the month is at the corner, on the last 200 meters of what seems to have been a 42 km marathon with steeplechase combined. I know you are aware that my meager peanut of a salary is soon coming. That is because you are friends with Waithera my bosses’ secretary. I used the word friends, just to make this easier for us. But the truth is not far from my eyes. In fact, I know about the secret rendezvous you have been having with her. You know Waites, as we call her in the office, doesn’t know how to keep secrets. Also, her technical ineptness makes her forward your messages accidentally to Njaro, driver wa Kamwana. So for your information I have reliable evidence but because I am a good tenant, I will protect your interest if you protect mine too. Anyway I’m suffering my brother, my eyes have heard no positive news nor did my ears witness any peace.

My friend, this last two weeks have been hell on earth for me. You remember my neighbor Kamau, he has threatened to hire those shaggy looking men called Mungiki from his home Muranga to lay ambush on me and dethrone my head from its place. I made a terrible mistake when I borrowed him KES 125.50 last week to buy a quarter of a quarter KG of meat and a gororo of unga after mama Boi threatened to leave for the village and leave me with our five children. My goodness, everybody In our plot knows about this. I have to sneak into my own house so that Kamau does not embarrass me mbele ya watoto kwa plot. Not forgetting that I change my route every journey as I fear that he has already hired those mean Mungiki men. Surely, Mboss, if it were you what would you have done?

I will not forget Otieno, I hear his friends call him Man-Oti –s with swagga, eeeeeh, I think it’s because the guy akona MANOTI. Every week I come home I see a new model of car parked outside his house bwana. Hapana, not just any model of car, it is either sijui Mercedes S-class, Jaguar, Range Rover, Sijui Bentley, bwana kwani does MAN-OTIS play for Arsenal Football club. I hear he jets out of the country using a concord every weekend Arsenal is playing and comes back Monday morning. Yesoooo, what did I do to you. Anyway, that is not the problem; in fact that is the easiest part. The major problem is that Man-Otis has those hands we call “Mikono ya Birika”

No matter how hard you try to convince him to lend you money, even KES 1,000 ONLY without interest, he will not. In fact, he charges you 50% interest instead. Now you wonder, will I work to pay Otis or will I pay you.  However, Otis is wise; although I owe him KES 2,709 he managed to blackmail me to give him my Samsung Fridge as security. I have tirelessly begged him to return it so that I can keep my food Isharibike but it looks like ameauza tayari. For you, I’m sorry you did not tell me to give you security.  Thus, you will lose all the money I owe you unless you accept what I will offer as I look for the balance to pay you.

About Nnenne Ijioma, that woman has well- nourished calabash shaped body. She is a pretty African woman I tell you. When I met her I was moving from neck to toe but frozen from the chin upwards, yaani niling’ethia nikimwangalia hata na akili (gazed looking at her even with my brain). It took me several months and a few thousands millions shillings from my account before I convinced her to date me. You know she comes from Nigeria now, she go came from Niger delta, Ibo state where oil de come from. They diga diga Oil for Monie, and go make more monie from de yams. When I learned that her father owns one of the oil well in Niger Delta, there and then I fell down with love. I saw millions of dollars with my poor eyesight imaginations.

Ijioma, the queen of my throne, the sweet yam, made me borrow millions from my bank just to spend on her. You know they say those who spend more monie make monie, as in you use monie to make monie, eeeeheeehhh. I spent millions to spoil this MOMO of a woman. My kikuyu instincts told me I was making good investments. They convinced me that I would marry my Queen Ijioma, to be the MOMO of my ten children. Goodness forbid, she is the reason I’m writing this letter today, by the time I discovered  she was not from Ibo state, nor was her father an owner of an oil well. In fact the closest her father had come to a well was digging his father’s grave. She had milked me and left me for dead. I thank God I survived, devil be a liar ooooh.  

The reason she will not suffer from myself induced insanity (yaani wendawazimu) is that she loathes me for spoiling her engagement to Mzee Taabu. I had to tell Mzee Taabu the kind of woman she was. In fact she had connived to send him straight to his grave the moment they got married. She had hatched a plan of killing him by seducing the old mzee. That man would have got a heart attack from an adrenaline flow of his blood from the heart to his manhood. Once he saw the natural clothe of that woman. I know she will even dance on top of my grave when I die.  Therefore, I hope you will help me to help you.

Then comes Wakithomo, that man that lives in the next prot ya mama Kipkoech. He always walks with his head covered in a white sheet. Sometimes I wonder whether he is hiding his receding hair line. Other times I think he is not man enough to take a comb and comb his hair. Maybe he will tell me. Now, I always borrow Wakithomo mbeca, he is very kind to me. In fact, the last money I paid for my last year’s rent balance, I got from him. He is very generous. I think he is good because he is a pastor. He collects all the tithe and offering in his church. I hear he is the one who even counts it.

The only problem with Wakithomo is one. He does not like it when I miss to attend a service. He even calls and sends several sms to remind me to give my tithe, which I give generously because he says that God is seeing me. That he will reward me with the same measure I give him. Therefore, I decided to give double my tithe so that I get double portion back. That is 4 times the amount I should give. No don’t be too happy, I am still waiting to hear from god. I think I sinned or something like that. It has been several years without getting a reply. Maybe it’s because I have not registered for an email. The replies keep bouncing back as he cannot communicate with me. I will send Wakithomo this month to help me convince him. I will be willing to ask him a favor for you. That is only when you agree to help me to help you.

Now, the major reason I write this letter is that as you are looking forward to get your money so I’m I. With that very anticipation I await my salary, that peanuts one. You know, sometimes I wonder why they have to keep my salary till the end of the month whilst YOU demand I pay my rent in advance. Why, can’t I pay my rent at the end of the month? That way I will be able to appraise whether I enjoyed my time in your house. I would have to deduct from your dues for things I didn’t like. For instance, noise disturbance allowance, delay in opening the gate due to watchman sleeping habits, sewage blockage etc. You know my boss deducts me lateness fee, tax, NHIF, NSSF, TGIF, LMFAO etc.

No wonder you don’t even care when we tell you our drainage blocked, or the watchman is rude. I will call a Plot 10 meeting to discuss this, according to the new constitution dispensation, Ni Haki Yetu. As I had said earlier I will have trouble paying next month’s rent and other arrears I owe you. I write to warn you in advance. This month I have worked hard so I think I will reward myself very hard as well. So as evidence on how I plan to spend my money, yes I said it, it is my money not yours, see attached. 

I will pay myself 51% of my salary first, as the major shareholder, which will mostly go to entertaining me to reward this body that has worked hard. 15% will go to mama Boi for food. I will pay 7% utility bills kwanza so that power and water is no disconnected again, and then I will give Wakithome 13%. Finally, I will give you the rest. I insist this letter is between me and you, and I warn you THIS IS ABSOLUTELY PRIVATE, IF YOU LEAK THIS TO MAMA MBOGA, WAKITHOMA AMA MAMA BOI, I will sue you.

After you read this letter, I will continue staying in your house without disturbance. I have known your tricks now. You always want to have my money even before I can enjoy it. You will not continue to enjoy my money and I have not enjoyed the house. From now henceforth I will pay you at the end of the month. That’s when I’m paid. I don’t do business like Man-Otis or Mama  mboga, or even Wakithomo.  Also, I don’t circumvent the men’s wallets like Ijioma does. For me I work diligently then I wait patiently for my money at the end of the month. Therefore I know you will understand. You help me I help you. Remember I know what you have been doing with Waites, and you know my wife and yours are friends. I could finish you with lighting a small fire in my bedroom.

Thank you for understanding.

Yours faithful and sincere tenant,

Thursday, 23 October 2014


What a start to a Morning-when sad news beckons at your door.
I woke up to the voice of my mum. We had a chat though got both good News, Congratulations cousin for your baby boy, and bad news of the passing on of a relative. However, am grateful for his mercies endures forever. It is sort of a mixed emotion, as it is always awesome to welcome a new soul to this would it is equally a hard fact to accept the departure of a loved one. 
The paining of losing someone you love is real. Most so your loved one, the apple of your life. The love of your world. I am in pain, deeply wounded. God give me strength to overcome your impending departure.
It never stopped there, as i left my house this morning, I came face to face with the worst ever saddest news. For a period of 2 years now, I have held, caressed, hugged, protected and almost the most amazing person in my live. I never thought I will see you this broken to pieces. I never imagine of you ever leaving me. In fact I have dreaded the moment I will have to say good bye to you.
This person has been the most trusted, loving, loyal and above all motivator for the last 2 years. She has made me realise how handsome, caring and attached I can be. She even made me realise that I can love without expecting to be loved back, give without questioning and has made me keep in touch with my loved ones and all that I have met.
She has been my source of knowledge, my only password to the deepest of my secrets, she knows me inside out, the lies, the sincerity, the humility and the humour I have. She has tolerated my unkindness,my unfaithfulness, my poverty, my inadequateness, my rudeness and my jealousness all those 2 year. Above all, she has loved me with all this inadequateness and without ever complaining. Even when she does, she has done that in the deepest of secrecy to date.
I have always wondered, how we met, how she came to love me this much. Every time, i cant really tell how we exactly have survived all those years. I cant Imagine what life s going to be without her. How do I bring myself to even love another soul like I love you. How do I snatch my heart, and deprive you the love and memories we have shared.
I remember, when we first met, my feet were swept away by your beauty. Not only from the outside but from the the inside as well. Your curves, your face, your power to withstand and operate, and process everything I asked you to do. Without even questioning my intention. Imean what more can a man ask from his love. The first few days I spent holding you, caressing your face, hugging, kissing you, ooops, even when you had asked me to be slow with things. I even made delicacies meals just for you to see what skiils i got. I offered you the best wine, juices and drinks I could find. All to make you drunk with my love.
I am never one to talk a lot, but the thought of losing you can turn me into a type writer. I feeling like telling the world what we have gone through, through riches and in poverty, sadness and happiness, laughter and tears, in sicknes and in health. Ours have been a relationship that the world will envy. I will tell them of moment when i almost broke my limbs dashing across the room to resuscitate you because you before you lost your breathe, the moments when I will threaten to kill anyone because i could not trace you, the chills you sent through my body when I felt your touch, the smile I had when you came calling, and the adrenaline that fell on me when I had left without you.
How will i deal with these emotions, who will understand me as you did, who will even provide me with support, information and an outlet for me to be the best I can without complaining. Who will remind me that i need to speak to my family, friends, and even enemies. You have made me forgive many people as well as find my lost friends. You have been my number one supporter in my live.
I think even God might have notices and been jealous of our relationship. I remember all those times I have cut short my prayers, or even sneaked out of church to see you, missed a lot of sermons to spend time with you. I almost worship you one time but you quickly reminded me that you are with me because God let me have you. You told me to Love god first, then our love will blossom.
That was the first ever real wisdom I have come across beside that of Solomon in the bible. You have even carried a free copy of the bible just in case I needed to refer to it, or I needed some encouragement. My God, if only you can save this great she, I will forever be your servant. But if you still decide its time for her to leave, then I will accept it. because i know you will help me find someone who can at least give me 50% of what she had done.
I hope I will one day understand the reason why you have to leave. There is a lot I had planned for us. To travel the world with you, to make as many babies as possible, to care and nurture our loved ones. Even though you had no womb, I had hope we could get kids. I mean sarah Had a baby boy when she was 90 years, King Melchezedech was added extra 15 year on top of his life. Why can't God have mercy and grant yu even 15 days so that I could give you more of my love, spent more time adoring you.
Right now, nothing is far from the truth. It is painful to loose someone you love, It is inconceivable to know that you will never see, hear, or touch your loved ones when they depart. The though of a day without you in my life makes me want to die with you. The anger I feel can make me single handedly destroy the whole US Marine Army, Commando style, why Lie. I will do anything to see you regain your strength, your shape, your smile, your vigour, your beauty, honey, name it and you have it, your wish is my command.
It really pains when your loved one is hurting and you can not help them. That they are shattered in pieces but you cannot you cannot glue them back to their original self. That they are dying and you cannot give them your life. That, exactly that is what am going through. I hold on to my faith, that you will not die on me, That you will live a bit longer, that you will stay until I can find a replacement.
Though I know your days are numbered I will be hopeful. I still have a few days with you. So I know I have a chance to make the days to come count. I will narrate to you stories. I will never leave your bed i will never let you sleep alone. I will forever be grateful for your love, our memories and you presence in my life.
I have written in this letter IN LOVING MEMORY of you.
R. I. P my ONE, and only, Hate iT or Conquer, you brought SENSE in my life. I will miss you.
Your loving caring and forever grateful Lover.
Signed William Moore