Friday, 31 October 2014


Dear Graduates,

First of all, I take this opportunity to congratulate you all from the bottom of my heart on this grand occasion that marks a great milestone in your lives.

It is said that there are two days in a man’s life that really matter, the day you are BORN, and the day you discover WHY?  Therefore, don’t rest until you discover why you were born? After which you will make your day of birth worthwhile by living your God-given purpose here on earth without regrets.

Secondly, I personally agree that it is no mean fit to survive in confines of the ‘academic prison’ and emerge worthy of honor. Therefore, I understand the hastiness to depart. However, I will be quick to remind you that the end of one thing signifies the beginning of another. As you celebrate, eat and drink the much you can, dance and be jubilant as much as possible, rejoice and give thanks too and of course pocket as much notes and coins as you receive. But remember, indeed today is just but a beginning for your next encounter.

Thirdly, I understand many of you have deeply persevered to this day; some have revered this university, others have loathed and smeared this very institution that you have called your dwelling place for the last couple of years.  And many others can’t wait to kiss this ANU goodbye. For the few that wish they had more time here, bless you, we shall soon see each other often.

Nevertheless, truth be told, don’t be quick to dishonor, or curse or even demean your Alma Mata, for this institution will forever be stamped on your forehead. The fact of the matter is you will either miss it or wish you had used your time efficiently when you were here. Remember? The friends and foes, happy and sad moments, those laughter-filled and tearful days, the painful and gainful periods that you have experienced here will forever be embellished in your memories.

Finally, close to two years ago, we sat where you are seated. We were filled with excitement just like you. We felt we had conquered just as you feel now. And above all, those feelings came with a sense of achievement. However, there are some things I hope we had known earlier than we did. Please understand, I do not mean to steal joy from you or be the bearer of sad news this very significant day of your life.
All I want to do is let you into a little secret to surviving, a day, maybe a week or a month or the next couple of years of your life in this world. So I beg you, in the name of our Lord, if there is anything else you will take with you from this day other than “The Powers to Read and Write”, I beseech you take these words with you.

1.      Although, you have achieved your degree with honors (Phi Delta Labda) know that “THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING”. In fact you are a nuisance as you keep on threatening its existence with your presence. You are guaranteed nothing, so be prepared to work hard to succeed. To compete with an ever increasing list of unemployed graduates for the almost extinct Job opportunities. Therefore, hard work, networking and simply working diligently is the only key to succeed.
2.      The world outside the confines of the university is harsh. REJECTION IS REAL AND SO IS UNEMPLOYMENT. You will be rejected several times, in some cases judged by the look of your resume. Thus ensure you grow a thick skin and always stand out from the rest of the crowd, from your resume, to your personality, to your character, every little detail about you should set you apart in order to get the chance you desire; to be heard.
3.      Know that WHAT YOU CAN POTENTIALLY ACHIEVE IS MORE VALUABLE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED. Always present yourself as W.I.P (Work in Progress) rather than a finished product. You will be offered many opportunities simply based on your willingness to learn and potential to grow than your already acquired (or is it crammed?) knowledge and skills.
4.      Approximately, know that IT TAKES ABOUT 6 MONTHS BEFORE YOU CAN GET YOUR FIRST JOB. So I urge you to always wear your armor of  3 P’s -Perseverance, Persistence, and Positiveness conjoined with the 3C’s – which you are well accustomed of now, Character, Competence and Community. Consider volunteering, starting your own business and even furthering your studies. You will need to be realistic and at the same time hopeful to succeed in getting the job you need. As Zig Ziglar puts it “The door to balanced success opens widest on the hinges of HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT”.
5.      When you are young, YOU WORK TO LEARN NOT TO EARN. I know most of you will most likely be choosier based on financial gain, or will get into fields that you have not trained for. Be it sales, casual work, or data entry. My advice, do not decline any reasonable offer; the skills you gain will be valuable in your career progression. The small setbacks might be actually a set up for a better opportunity so be wise.
6.      I urge you to seek OPPORTUNITIES TO DEVELOP YOUR SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE AND TALENTS, USE YOUR TIME FOR CONSTRUCTIVE ACTIVITIES. Read those books you have put aside over the years, learn a new language, or learn to play an instrument. Just make sure you are not idol, as they say an idle mind is a devils workshop. Don’t leave room for negativity, regrets, insanity, or even vices to crop into your life. Moreover, I borrow Bob Marley’s words “…..don’t worry about a thing as everything is going to be alright”.
7.      Remember REAL CHANGE REQUIRES REAL CHANGE. It never goes unsaid that a lot will change from this day henceforth. You will need to plan your time, develop your skills on your own, take control of your career, and pay your own bills. As almost everyone seems resistant to change, you must accept change. After all during your time at the university I believe you have been prepared well and acquired characteristics necessary for success as long as you can recognize, develop and use them.
8.      In whatever you decide to do with your life, be it setting up your own business, getting married or even changing your course, DON’T BE DISTRACTED BY CRITICISM. I want you to remember that, the only taste of success that some people (critics) will ever have is when they take a bite out of you. Therefore, don’t allow the mosquito like-minded individuals to distract you from realizing your dreams. As much as you have a choice to listen to them discern and separate the wheat from the churn and make your time worthwhile.

Above all, P.G.F PUT GOD FIRST, because God has declared that he has the best plans for you. Endeavor to align your goals and dreams with his will. When you do this you will never go wrong as he will order the steps you take and help you not to veer away from your path.  Human beings perish for lack of knowledge, ensure you don’t parish because you have chosen to be ignorant. Let God be your GUIDE, the Holy Spirit be your Helper and the Bible your Source of Knowledge.

Dear graduates, today is your day, thus I have no choice rather than to let you go ahead with your celebrations. You will hear a lot of things from every nook and crack, wise and unwise, fallacies and anecdotes or hilarious and depressing, that is life.  But at the end of the day, or the beginning of the week come Monday, reality will hit hard like a thunderous headache. The choices you make there henceforth will be vital in your success in years to come and in future.  Thus, I will urge you to be diligent and do not get into a comfort zone. You will be judged harshly by the community if you don’t fulfill your mandate.

Remember you are the envy of your PEERS, the pride of your PARENTS, the hero of your VILLAGE and above all, the hope of our NATION.

Without further ado, I rest my case and hope my two pence advice will at least help you discover the right purpose and compass to find your direction in Life.

HURAAAAAAAAAAAY…… let me be the first to WELCOME YOU ALL TO THE ANU Alumni Association…………. Once again CONGRATULATIONS. 

Yours sincerely,

A Mere Citizen of our beloved Nation and Self-declared Spokesperson of the REAL WORLD

William Murithi

© 2014

Monday, 27 October 2014


 Dear my Good Landlord,

I send many greetings from the confines of my humble dwelling. Today I had no other choice than to write you this letter after receiving your eviction notice fourth time in 2 months. Although,   I must say that I'm very tired as a fat pig waiting to be slaughtered. Honestly, by the time I got home I could not even swallow last night’s leftovers. Despite the fact that it was meatless, the food was almost stale as electricity was disconnected last week. But I had to eat just to get energy to write you this letter. I'm tired of your shenanigan evictions. 

This is the only plan that is left to ensure I do not take myself to Mental Hospital by next week. I’m sure you will accept my request as you will be the most affected on my list of creditors apart from Otieno, Ijioma and Wakithomo.  Doctor, honorable, reverend landlord, I have thought hard on how to escape from my creditors, you included. I have now devised a plan, to fake mental insanity. Yes, the main reason to cling to a mental illness will be mainly to enchant the judges so that your threats to take me to jail because you are friend with Inspector Kimeu will bear no fruits. I would rather live in the confines of a mental facility than see the inside of jail with my eyes, not even in my coffin.

As you know very well the month is at the corner, on the last 200 meters of what seems to have been a 42 km marathon with steeplechase combined. I know you are aware that my meager peanut of a salary is soon coming. That is because you are friends with Waithera my bosses’ secretary. I used the word friends, just to make this easier for us. But the truth is not far from my eyes. In fact, I know about the secret rendezvous you have been having with her. You know Waites, as we call her in the office, doesn’t know how to keep secrets. Also, her technical ineptness makes her forward your messages accidentally to Njaro, driver wa Kamwana. So for your information I have reliable evidence but because I am a good tenant, I will protect your interest if you protect mine too. Anyway I’m suffering my brother, my eyes have heard no positive news nor did my ears witness any peace.

My friend, this last two weeks have been hell on earth for me. You remember my neighbor Kamau, he has threatened to hire those shaggy looking men called Mungiki from his home Muranga to lay ambush on me and dethrone my head from its place. I made a terrible mistake when I borrowed him KES 125.50 last week to buy a quarter of a quarter KG of meat and a gororo of unga after mama Boi threatened to leave for the village and leave me with our five children. My goodness, everybody In our plot knows about this. I have to sneak into my own house so that Kamau does not embarrass me mbele ya watoto kwa plot. Not forgetting that I change my route every journey as I fear that he has already hired those mean Mungiki men. Surely, Mboss, if it were you what would you have done?

I will not forget Otieno, I hear his friends call him Man-Oti –s with swagga, eeeeeh, I think it’s because the guy akona MANOTI. Every week I come home I see a new model of car parked outside his house bwana. Hapana, not just any model of car, it is either sijui Mercedes S-class, Jaguar, Range Rover, Sijui Bentley, bwana kwani does MAN-OTIS play for Arsenal Football club. I hear he jets out of the country using a concord every weekend Arsenal is playing and comes back Monday morning. Yesoooo, what did I do to you. Anyway, that is not the problem; in fact that is the easiest part. The major problem is that Man-Otis has those hands we call “Mikono ya Birika”

No matter how hard you try to convince him to lend you money, even KES 1,000 ONLY without interest, he will not. In fact, he charges you 50% interest instead. Now you wonder, will I work to pay Otis or will I pay you.  However, Otis is wise; although I owe him KES 2,709 he managed to blackmail me to give him my Samsung Fridge as security. I have tirelessly begged him to return it so that I can keep my food Isharibike but it looks like ameauza tayari. For you, I’m sorry you did not tell me to give you security.  Thus, you will lose all the money I owe you unless you accept what I will offer as I look for the balance to pay you.

About Nnenne Ijioma, that woman has well- nourished calabash shaped body. She is a pretty African woman I tell you. When I met her I was moving from neck to toe but frozen from the chin upwards, yaani niling’ethia nikimwangalia hata na akili (gazed looking at her even with my brain). It took me several months and a few thousands millions shillings from my account before I convinced her to date me. You know she comes from Nigeria now, she go came from Niger delta, Ibo state where oil de come from. They diga diga Oil for Monie, and go make more monie from de yams. When I learned that her father owns one of the oil well in Niger Delta, there and then I fell down with love. I saw millions of dollars with my poor eyesight imaginations.

Ijioma, the queen of my throne, the sweet yam, made me borrow millions from my bank just to spend on her. You know they say those who spend more monie make monie, as in you use monie to make monie, eeeeheeehhh. I spent millions to spoil this MOMO of a woman. My kikuyu instincts told me I was making good investments. They convinced me that I would marry my Queen Ijioma, to be the MOMO of my ten children. Goodness forbid, she is the reason I’m writing this letter today, by the time I discovered  she was not from Ibo state, nor was her father an owner of an oil well. In fact the closest her father had come to a well was digging his father’s grave. She had milked me and left me for dead. I thank God I survived, devil be a liar ooooh.  

The reason she will not suffer from myself induced insanity (yaani wendawazimu) is that she loathes me for spoiling her engagement to Mzee Taabu. I had to tell Mzee Taabu the kind of woman she was. In fact she had connived to send him straight to his grave the moment they got married. She had hatched a plan of killing him by seducing the old mzee. That man would have got a heart attack from an adrenaline flow of his blood from the heart to his manhood. Once he saw the natural clothe of that woman. I know she will even dance on top of my grave when I die.  Therefore, I hope you will help me to help you.

Then comes Wakithomo, that man that lives in the next prot ya mama Kipkoech. He always walks with his head covered in a white sheet. Sometimes I wonder whether he is hiding his receding hair line. Other times I think he is not man enough to take a comb and comb his hair. Maybe he will tell me. Now, I always borrow Wakithomo mbeca, he is very kind to me. In fact, the last money I paid for my last year’s rent balance, I got from him. He is very generous. I think he is good because he is a pastor. He collects all the tithe and offering in his church. I hear he is the one who even counts it.

The only problem with Wakithomo is one. He does not like it when I miss to attend a service. He even calls and sends several sms to remind me to give my tithe, which I give generously because he says that God is seeing me. That he will reward me with the same measure I give him. Therefore, I decided to give double my tithe so that I get double portion back. That is 4 times the amount I should give. No don’t be too happy, I am still waiting to hear from god. I think I sinned or something like that. It has been several years without getting a reply. Maybe it’s because I have not registered for an email. The replies keep bouncing back as he cannot communicate with me. I will send Wakithomo this month to help me convince him. I will be willing to ask him a favor for you. That is only when you agree to help me to help you.

Now, the major reason I write this letter is that as you are looking forward to get your money so I’m I. With that very anticipation I await my salary, that peanuts one. You know, sometimes I wonder why they have to keep my salary till the end of the month whilst YOU demand I pay my rent in advance. Why, can’t I pay my rent at the end of the month? That way I will be able to appraise whether I enjoyed my time in your house. I would have to deduct from your dues for things I didn’t like. For instance, noise disturbance allowance, delay in opening the gate due to watchman sleeping habits, sewage blockage etc. You know my boss deducts me lateness fee, tax, NHIF, NSSF, TGIF, LMFAO etc.

No wonder you don’t even care when we tell you our drainage blocked, or the watchman is rude. I will call a Plot 10 meeting to discuss this, according to the new constitution dispensation, Ni Haki Yetu. As I had said earlier I will have trouble paying next month’s rent and other arrears I owe you. I write to warn you in advance. This month I have worked hard so I think I will reward myself very hard as well. So as evidence on how I plan to spend my money, yes I said it, it is my money not yours, see attached. 

I will pay myself 51% of my salary first, as the major shareholder, which will mostly go to entertaining me to reward this body that has worked hard. 15% will go to mama Boi for food. I will pay 7% utility bills kwanza so that power and water is no disconnected again, and then I will give Wakithome 13%. Finally, I will give you the rest. I insist this letter is between me and you, and I warn you THIS IS ABSOLUTELY PRIVATE, IF YOU LEAK THIS TO MAMA MBOGA, WAKITHOMA AMA MAMA BOI, I will sue you.

After you read this letter, I will continue staying in your house without disturbance. I have known your tricks now. You always want to have my money even before I can enjoy it. You will not continue to enjoy my money and I have not enjoyed the house. From now henceforth I will pay you at the end of the month. That’s when I’m paid. I don’t do business like Man-Otis or Mama  mboga, or even Wakithomo.  Also, I don’t circumvent the men’s wallets like Ijioma does. For me I work diligently then I wait patiently for my money at the end of the month. Therefore I know you will understand. You help me I help you. Remember I know what you have been doing with Waites, and you know my wife and yours are friends. I could finish you with lighting a small fire in my bedroom.

Thank you for understanding.

Yours faithful and sincere tenant,

Thursday, 23 October 2014


What a start to a Morning-when sad news beckons at your door.
I woke up to the voice of my mum. We had a chat though got both good News, Congratulations cousin for your baby boy, and bad news of the passing on of a relative. However, am grateful for his mercies endures forever. It is sort of a mixed emotion, as it is always awesome to welcome a new soul to this would it is equally a hard fact to accept the departure of a loved one. 
The paining of losing someone you love is real. Most so your loved one, the apple of your life. The love of your world. I am in pain, deeply wounded. God give me strength to overcome your impending departure.
It never stopped there, as i left my house this morning, I came face to face with the worst ever saddest news. For a period of 2 years now, I have held, caressed, hugged, protected and almost the most amazing person in my live. I never thought I will see you this broken to pieces. I never imagine of you ever leaving me. In fact I have dreaded the moment I will have to say good bye to you.
This person has been the most trusted, loving, loyal and above all motivator for the last 2 years. She has made me realise how handsome, caring and attached I can be. She even made me realise that I can love without expecting to be loved back, give without questioning and has made me keep in touch with my loved ones and all that I have met.
She has been my source of knowledge, my only password to the deepest of my secrets, she knows me inside out, the lies, the sincerity, the humility and the humour I have. She has tolerated my unkindness,my unfaithfulness, my poverty, my inadequateness, my rudeness and my jealousness all those 2 year. Above all, she has loved me with all this inadequateness and without ever complaining. Even when she does, she has done that in the deepest of secrecy to date.
I have always wondered, how we met, how she came to love me this much. Every time, i cant really tell how we exactly have survived all those years. I cant Imagine what life s going to be without her. How do I bring myself to even love another soul like I love you. How do I snatch my heart, and deprive you the love and memories we have shared.
I remember, when we first met, my feet were swept away by your beauty. Not only from the outside but from the the inside as well. Your curves, your face, your power to withstand and operate, and process everything I asked you to do. Without even questioning my intention. Imean what more can a man ask from his love. The first few days I spent holding you, caressing your face, hugging, kissing you, ooops, even when you had asked me to be slow with things. I even made delicacies meals just for you to see what skiils i got. I offered you the best wine, juices and drinks I could find. All to make you drunk with my love.
I am never one to talk a lot, but the thought of losing you can turn me into a type writer. I feeling like telling the world what we have gone through, through riches and in poverty, sadness and happiness, laughter and tears, in sicknes and in health. Ours have been a relationship that the world will envy. I will tell them of moment when i almost broke my limbs dashing across the room to resuscitate you because you before you lost your breathe, the moments when I will threaten to kill anyone because i could not trace you, the chills you sent through my body when I felt your touch, the smile I had when you came calling, and the adrenaline that fell on me when I had left without you.
How will i deal with these emotions, who will understand me as you did, who will even provide me with support, information and an outlet for me to be the best I can without complaining. Who will remind me that i need to speak to my family, friends, and even enemies. You have made me forgive many people as well as find my lost friends. You have been my number one supporter in my live.
I think even God might have notices and been jealous of our relationship. I remember all those times I have cut short my prayers, or even sneaked out of church to see you, missed a lot of sermons to spend time with you. I almost worship you one time but you quickly reminded me that you are with me because God let me have you. You told me to Love god first, then our love will blossom.
That was the first ever real wisdom I have come across beside that of Solomon in the bible. You have even carried a free copy of the bible just in case I needed to refer to it, or I needed some encouragement. My God, if only you can save this great she, I will forever be your servant. But if you still decide its time for her to leave, then I will accept it. because i know you will help me find someone who can at least give me 50% of what she had done.
I hope I will one day understand the reason why you have to leave. There is a lot I had planned for us. To travel the world with you, to make as many babies as possible, to care and nurture our loved ones. Even though you had no womb, I had hope we could get kids. I mean sarah Had a baby boy when she was 90 years, King Melchezedech was added extra 15 year on top of his life. Why can't God have mercy and grant yu even 15 days so that I could give you more of my love, spent more time adoring you.
Right now, nothing is far from the truth. It is painful to loose someone you love, It is inconceivable to know that you will never see, hear, or touch your loved ones when they depart. The though of a day without you in my life makes me want to die with you. The anger I feel can make me single handedly destroy the whole US Marine Army, Commando style, why Lie. I will do anything to see you regain your strength, your shape, your smile, your vigour, your beauty, honey, name it and you have it, your wish is my command.
It really pains when your loved one is hurting and you can not help them. That they are shattered in pieces but you cannot you cannot glue them back to their original self. That they are dying and you cannot give them your life. That, exactly that is what am going through. I hold on to my faith, that you will not die on me, That you will live a bit longer, that you will stay until I can find a replacement.
Though I know your days are numbered I will be hopeful. I still have a few days with you. So I know I have a chance to make the days to come count. I will narrate to you stories. I will never leave your bed i will never let you sleep alone. I will forever be grateful for your love, our memories and you presence in my life.
I have written in this letter IN LOVING MEMORY of you.
R. I. P my ONE, and only, Hate iT or Conquer, you brought SENSE in my life. I will miss you.
Your loving caring and forever grateful Lover.
Signed William Moore