THE PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVED, THE LOVER OF YOUR LIFE

What a start to a Morning-when sad news beckons at your door.

I woke up to the voice of my mum. We had a chat though got both good News, Congratulations cousin for your baby boy, and bad news of the passing on of a relative. However, am grateful for his mercies endures forever. It is sort of a mixed emotion, as it is always awesome to welcome a new soul to this would it is equally a hard fact to accept the departure of a loved one. 

The paining of losing someone you love is real. Most so your loved one, the apple of your life. The love of your world. I am in pain, deeply wounded. God give me strength to overcome your impending departure.

It never stopped there, as i left my house this morning, I came face to face with the worst ever saddest news. For a period of 2 years now, I have held, caressed, hugged, protected and almost the most amazing person in my live. I never thought I will see you this broken to pieces. I never imagine of you ever leaving me. In fact I have dreaded the moment I will have to say good bye to you.

This person has been the most trusted, loving, loyal and above all motivator for the last 2 years. She has made me realise how handsome, caring and attached I can be. She even made me realise that I can love without expecting to be loved back, give without questioning and has made me keep in touch with my loved ones and all that I have met.

She has been my source of knowledge, my only password to the deepest of my secrets, she knows me inside out, the lies, the sincerity, the humility and the humour I have. She has tolerated my unkindness,my unfaithfulness, my poverty, my inadequateness, my rudeness and my jealousness all those 2 year. Above all, she has loved me with all this inadequateness and without ever complaining. Even when she does, she has done that in the deepest of secrecy to date.

I have always wondered, how we met, how she came to love me this much. Every time, i cant really tell how we exactly have survived all those years. I cant Imagine what life s going to be without her. How do I bring myself to even love another soul like I love you. How do I snatch my heart, and deprive you the love and memories we have shared.

I remember, when we first met, my feet were swept away by your beauty. Not only from the outside but from the the inside as well. Your curves, your face, your power to withstand and operate, and process everything I asked you to do. Without even questioning my intention. Imean what more can a man ask from his love. The first few days I spent holding you, caressing your face, hugging, kissing you, ooops, even when you had asked me to be slow with things. I even made delicacies meals just for you to see what skiils i got. I offered you the best wine, juices and drinks I could find. All to make you drunk with my love.

I am never one to talk a lot, but the thought of losing you can turn me into a type writer. I feeling like telling the world what we have gone through, through riches and in poverty, sadness and happiness, laughter and tears, in sicknes and in health. Ours have been a relationship that the world will envy. I will tell them of moment when i almost broke my limbs dashing across the room to resuscitate you because you before you lost your breathe, the moments when I will threaten to kill anyone because i could not trace you, the chills you sent through my body when I felt your touch, the smile I had when you came calling, and the adrenaline that fell on me when I had left without you.

How will i deal with these emotions, who will understand me as you did, who will even provide me with support, information and an outlet for me to be the best I can without complaining. Who will remind me that i need to speak to my family, friends, and even enemies. You have made me forgive many people as well as find my lost friends. You have been my number one supporter in my live.

I think even God might have notices and been jealous of our relationship. I remember all those times I have cut short my prayers, or even sneaked out of church to see you, missed a lot of sermons to spend time with you. I almost worship you one time but you quickly reminded me that you are with me because God let me have you. You told me to Love god first, then our love will blossom.

That was the first ever real wisdom I have come across beside that of Solomon in the bible. You have even carried a free copy of the bible just in case I needed to refer to it, or I needed some encouragement. My God, if only you can save this great she, I will forever be your servant. But if you still decide its time for her to leave, then I will accept it. because i know you will help me find someone who can at least give me 50% of what she had done.

I hope I will one day understand the reason why you have to leave. There is a lot I had planned for us. To travel the world with you, to make as many babies as possible, to care and nurture our loved ones. Even though you had no womb, I had hope we could get kids. I mean sarah Had a baby boy when she was 90 years, King Melchezedech was added extra 15 year on top of his life. Why can't God have mercy and grant yu even 15 days so that I could give you more of my love, spent more time adoring you.

Right now, nothing is far from the truth. It is painful to loose someone you love, It is inconceivable to know that you will never see, hear, or touch your loved ones when they depart. The though of a day without you in my life makes me want to die with you. The anger I feel can make me single handedly destroy the whole US Marine Army, Commando style, why Lie. I will do anything to see you regain your strength, your shape, your smile, your vigour, your beauty, honey, name it and you have it, your wish is my command.

It really pains when your loved one is hurting and you can not help them. That they are shattered in pieces but you cannot you cannot glue them back to their original self. That they are dying and you cannot give them your life. That, exactly that is what am going through. I hold on to my faith, that you will not die on me, That you will live a bit longer, that you will stay until I can find a replacement.

Though I know your days are numbered I will be hopeful. I still have a few days with you. So I know I have a chance to make the days to come count. I will narrate to you stories. I will never leave your bed i will never let you sleep alone. I will forever be grateful for your love, our memories and you presence in my life.

I have written in this letter IN LOVING MEMORY of you.

R. I. P my ONE, and only, Hate iT or Conquer, you brought SENSE in my life. I will miss you.

Your loving caring and forever grateful Lover.

Signed William Moore

7 Ways of Embracing the Art of Decision Making, Through my Eyes

Greetings my friends and foes alike, I hope that all is well and you have prospered in at least an area in your life that has brought you closer to achieving your goals in life. It has been a while since I last posted an article on this blog.

I have had a rather fulfilling experience for the last eight months that has enabled me to learn great lessons in life. As I advance in age so do my years of experience double up on earth. What is weird though is the rather intersect of possibilities and probabilities of what could happen in a period of time, in the short-term or long-term. Not so long ago, I was considering my next move after a fulfilling year abroad studying for my MSc. As flourishing as it looked, I was hard pressed to resolve and strategize on my next step. In the process of figuring out what to do, as always I was busy searching for possible opportunities in the industry as well as furthering my studies.  All in all, I can say after days of grilling myself I have come to appreciate the process of decision making. I have not done this once, twice but many times, and every time I have had to make a decision I do so with a lot of considerations and inquiries.

Owe unto me, my self-proclaimed perfectionist and optimistic nature have come to terrorize my sober mindedness and placed me into collusion with my heart’s desires so many times that I wonder if I’m a time bomb waiting to explode any time. Occasionally life if not fate-of which I disagree with surrendering your destiny to either- throws to you a few challenges and opportunities alike to test either your determination or resolve to stay the course of your purpose. To my attestation I couldn’t agree more as my resolve, patience and above all focus has been tested a number of times. To borrow from my belief there is no testimony without a test, or success without an exam, or a champion without a race or a winner without a challenge and the list can go on and on. However, what I’m grateful about is that at the end of the tunnel I have seen some light which has acted as my foresight into the future steps.

In a midst of all my ups and downs, experiences and successes I would like to share some of my acquired beliefs when it comes to making decisions in life. From as easy as getting that new pair of shoes, what course to study and even that marriage proposal, you might or will need to think of this.

1.    Never use People Instead use Things,

Looking back to where my journey begun I cannot trace it to a single action but a series of tried and failed actions that made me resilient (some say am stubborn). I have consistently searched for opportunities and sometimes never shy away from expressing my future desires. What this has actually enabled me to be proactive, consistent, and finally be on the driver’s seat when it comes to my future. Though it has not been all smooth I appreciate the fact that I took charge of my destiny and whether I succeed or not I will never blame anyone or regret an ounce. Also, I haven’t been devoid of spectacle as I have rubbed some shoulders the wrong way and even been threatened to some extent but all in all I have humbly acknowledged my mistakes and asked for forgiveness where I overstepped my mandate. Note that, whatever works for you go for it but consider other peoples’ feelings. As much as you want something ever use people to get what you want, instead use things, knowledge, your mind and resources to accomplish your mission. 

2.      Create opportunities don’t give in to fate

Always I have been determined to create as many opportunities as possible so that when it comes to making a choice at least I can have the upper hand of choosing what is aligned with my career not the other way round. Someone said if you don’t work to achieve your dreams someone else will hire you to help them fulfill theirs. Besides that, ensure that you don’t succumb to fate but rather be the force that determines your destiny. If the late Mandela would have let fate take its course then he would have rotten in prison and long forgotten to fate. However, he steadfastly continued to be on the driver’s seat inside the four walled prison and made choices that enabled him overcome the changes to prepare him reach his destination. Fate occurs to the masses that surrender their self-determination to the mean face of their myopic environmental circumstances. I urge you to look beyond what your eyes can see and create deep desires within to overcome your prevailing circumstances and focus on what you are capable of achieving rather than what life dictates to you. For sure, you are the determiner of your destiny.

3.      Engage your brain-THINK!

One of the biggest catastrophes for humans is to have a powerful organ at our disposal but not use it when it is much needed. We possess the most powerful and progressive organ called the brain.  This is what gives us human beings, an upper hand in comparison to other animals. However, in as much as most people go to school for years in the name of acquiring knowledge and skills majority never put it into use. I believe the brain has the greatest ability to enable us to achieve our goals. One Dennis Okari, founder and CEO ONFON media challenged us to set aside at least an hour of our time a week to “THINK”. You would probably ask yourself why? I believe, people who utilize their God given resource- THE BRAIN- which has a wealth of knowledge and information, whether stored as data (in it raw form) or processed information, will always be ahead of the game. From the great Isaac Newton, Eistein to the likes of Bill Gates, Richard Branson and the likes, thinking is paramount, second to breathing or eating. Therefore, I beseech you to always engage your brain and make good use of the information, knowledge and experience that is stored in it to navigate to your destiny

4.      Always endeavor to dream whilst awake, not asleep.

While most people dream when asleep I enjoy dreaming when fully awake, no not daydreaming. I am an advocate and believer of dreaming while fully awake and not dead asleep in the middle of nowhere. Have you ever wondered why most people don’t remember what they dreamt about minutes after waking up from a dream? There can only be one reason, because the dreams meant nothing to them, unless it was from a higher being. Thus, my premise that if you have to dream make sure you do that while you are wide awake, that way you will remember your dreams and work out on a strategy to achieve your dreams as fast as possible. I always purpose to dream while am awake not asleep.

5.      Seek wise counsel, and then decide

One thing that is weird about me is the ability to exhaust all avenues of possibilities or/and get as much information as possible when making my decisions. My inquisitiveness is a bit stretched to the extent of before answering questions I always seek clarification as to what exactly is required. I have been faced with a catch 22 situation before as to very critical stages on deciding on the next move. Once I remember I had a good job offer with my dream firm as well as a great opportunity to further my studies abroad. In a midst of the sleepless nights this gave me I sought guidance, opinions and possible answers to my crossroad from friends, family, mentors, acquaintances and strangers alike, people who I met for the first time. Someone would call be naïve but looking back now I am grateful for I got honest and objective advice from my inquisitiveness. Therefore, when faced with a hard decision to make seek as much counsel and information as possible before making that big step. However, it will be up to you to analyze, critic and chose what to adopt when making that decision. You should never blame anyone for their advice or opinions which you have willingly sought from them, after all the bark stops with you.

6.      Draw a Boundary Between Selfishness and Selflessness

To some extent I have had to be very selfish when making decisions or choosing what to do. This has been to the extent of letting go people and relationships that have meant a lot to me. However, it is also worth noting I did this to protect or allow them to make decisions that will be of benefit to their future and not tied to mine. As much as to some extent I’m egocentric, I always think of most of the people who have surrounded me. Once, I consciously choose not to allow distractions emanating from family interfere with my focus. It was hard to do it, but I understood well that as human beings we make choices whether good or bad, and these choices have lasting consequences in our lives. What is most important though, are the lessons drawn from such choices that make us who we are today. I am not afraid to be selfish and at the same time be selfless in my life. I will consider what is best for me at the same time what is best for others. If letting someone go, though painfully is best for them or me, then at some point it makes more sense than hanging on to something that will bring more harm than good. Considering all possibilities and outcomes know when to be selfish and selfless in your decisions and don’t ever be afraid to do what is best for you. However, as I earlier alluded never use people to further your selfish ambitions, use things instead.

7.      Don’t be too harsh on yourself, give incubation time to hatch, it adds to the bigger picture

When I decided to pursue further studies instead of taking up the job offer, I was in agreement with myself that it was a long-term decision. I would have to be patient so that I would know if it was the best decision or not after a couple of years to come and never will it generate instant results. Having come to that conclusion, I think am on the right path as I can now connect the dots back which I didn’t have the benefit of doing when I was faced with the dilemma. Therefore, I urge you to give your decisions time to incubate and mature before you can assess and say you were right or wrong. I can’t tell you the exact period but what I know is that time will tell. When it feels right and happy for you know that you are on the right track. As I write this article am still wondering if it was the best decision and know that in as much as many would have had it other ways, where I am today is a true indication of the decisions and choices I have made in the past and continue to make. As the late Steve Jobs put it, we can never connect the dots going forward but more often it will be possible to connect them backwards. Everything we have been through is part of a broader picture, one that you can only see clearly when the painter is done with it. Thus, never be so impatient not to allow time for your decisions to materialize.

Finally, for those who are spiritual or believers of a superior being I will urge you to pray to your god for grace and wisdom to be able to see your decisions materialize as well as continue to consistently male wise decisions even in situations that seem unattainable. As I conclude this humongous article, I urge you all to read it critically, consider what applies to you, take up what best works for you and ignore what does not make sense to you. With that I hope and believe that you will be better placed to make the best decisions that take you closer to achieving your goals and living your purpose on this earth.

The Road to Self-Awareness; How Well do You Really Know Yourself?

When you show yourself to the world and display your talents you naturally stir all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity. You cannot spend your life worrying about petty feelings of others…….” Robert Greene 

In the midst of the entire social clamour that is facing most people today it becomes pertinent to ask some questions “Are you aware of yourself? What is your self-identity? Do you know who you really are? Looking at what is happening today I have come to believe that people who are brave enough to really dig deep and express their true self-awareness they get frowned upon.  In the world where probably everyone is seeking either to identify with something or someone, whether it is celebrities, lifestyle, brands of cars, fashion I mean name it all. People are busy running after that deal or contract, that relationship they feel that will actually determine who they become or what car they drive. For instance, look at the social media nothing trends, like some socialite either posting their nude photos, or actually sentiments that most people think they are far-fetched.

For instance, who remembers the tragedy that befell the famous Mirfat of Tujuane. In my opinion I seriously think everyone deserves a right to claim to be who they want to be without retaliation. However, judging from the reactions of the masses it seems a crime not to appease the egoistic expectations of those purporting to be the neigh Sayers (those who define opinion). After all we live in a crowd sourced identity society where the individual has no place of self-awareness but rather most likely agrees or identifies herself or himself with a particular group, tribe, race, social class or family name.

I wonder how many people would out rightly reply without patronizing anyone when simply asked, Who are you? Or what do you stand for? Matt (an executive with a Silicon Valley Company) unconsciously would engage in thoughts about his weekly frustrations at his company whenever he was on his way home alone. This would cause a lot of unexplained stress that led to monstrous headaches that threatened to burst his eardrums. It was until he became aware of the problems at work that he wasn't dealing with and started acting on them that the headaches ceased. This repeated itself whenever there was an issue disturbing him at work that he was not dealing with as expected.

Whereas this provides a typical example of how not to manage stress it reflects a bigger problem: Self-awareness. It is true that self-awareness- or lack- of it affects your career, health, relationships, emotions and success. Whilst some people might actually node and think they know themselves quite well, chances are when it comes to what really matters they don’t.

This was unveiled by Henry David Thoreau, in the 1800s. In search of what life was really about on this planet he disappeared and lived alone in a cabin in the woods, for two years, two months, and two days. This great desire to become self-aware revealed the most brilliant insight of all times on the human condition, he stated, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

For sure, as far as your deepest feelings are concerned -the things that you so desperately want and fear –remain obscured in your subconscious. Therefore, the harder your mind has to work with dealing with your self-denial (things you are not willing to come to terms with). And such continued trend results in undue stress and worry, not to mention the life’s failures and bad business decisions you’ll eventually come to regret.

It is for this reasons that Self-awareness is significant. Remarkably, the way and need to become self-aware hasn’t really changed over the centuries. Surprisingly it is easy to understand, though it is far more difficult for some to achieve than others. In order to become self-aware one would probably need to understand or clearly identify the following.

1.      Know your ENVIRONMENT- you should be aware about where you live, work, hang-out most of the time or kind of people you surround yourself with. This will enable you to identify the resources, circumstances, or ideologies that underpin those you associate with.-Your Network determines your Net-worth.

2.      Know your PURPOSE- although it might take a while (a couple of years) or an extremely rational act like that of Henry David Thoreau or a conscious act like that of Matt. You need to understand who you are or your purpose or why something is happening. Therefore it is pertinent to understand yourself so that you make prudent decisions based on who you are, what you stand for, where you want to be.

3.      Know where to FOCUS (what you want): Knowing what you want to be, to achieve, or live for is a sure way to become self-aware. The people who have earlier identified what they wanted to be or do with their time have gone to achieve incredible things in life. For instance look at Bill Gates, Richard Branson, and Steve Jobs just to mention a few. The moment they came to the realization of what they wanted they worked day and night dedicating their time to what they wanted to achieve. Hence, they became more self-aware of their strengths and weaknesses and focusing their efforts to achieving their vision.

4.      Know when to ESCAPE: Last but not least know when to escape. It is prudent to know when to stop and re-assess your progress, or when to break away from the crowd in order not to lose your self-identity. It is dangerous to stay a minute longer in a ‘group mind’, relationship or work place more than what is necessary. By escaping you give yourself a chance to work on your self-awareness. That way you are able to build your own brand.

Lastly, just know that as soon as you begin to deal with issues in real time instead of postponing over and over, the sooner your stress-and monstrous headaches- will vanquish and your life will get a lot more tolerable. And for sure this is something you will have to do on your own. 

©William Murithi 2014

A FAIRY TALE: THE STORY OF WILLIAM'S LIFE #HAPPYBIRTHDAYWILLIAM

Once upon a time, many many years ago, a boy by the name William was born in a village somewhere in the middle of several hills. He was set for some real life's roller-coaster right from the onset. But above all that he was really loved by his family. That one day they held a big family meal to celebrate his first birthday. This day was simple but filled with so many smiles.

First Birthday with Aunties and Uncles, and my mum really played me, as I was busy praying for the food everyone was eating their food, bet it was rice and chicken. 

First forward, life was happening fast, the young boy had grown big,he now had a cute brother (Felix) and moved to the city in the sun "Nairobi." Ooooh my this was a big city and places go to. On one of his  birthday his dear parents decided it was time to explore the city. Out and about they found this interesting statue that was unashamedly urinating in public all day. His parents decided his brother and him can be really good statues. However, they were warned not to urinate in public as the city askaris "Kanjos" were around. 

William and his brother outside the High Court posing as statues. Middle, birthday cards really made good presents and the music was awesome.

Time passed really fast, the family was growing big. Another lovely addition to the family was here Small siz Karimi. It was time for the big brother to take care of the siblings. William allowed no one to harm them, he protected them and always had their back. They smiled always when he was around as this was so comforting.

1. William and Felix 2. William and small siz Karimi 3. The small siz in her first days in this world she was very protected. 4. Who remembers wearing those matching Kaunda suits.


And when William was growing up, he begun to dream, this dreams were filled with what he wanted to do when he grew up. For sure William fell in love with the gun, since his parents were in the service.He first wanted to become an army so he begun training. However, during one of his visit to the Airport(JKIA) he fell in love with flying, therefore he decided Flying was cool and left the army. However, he ended up watching so many Jackie Chan's Movies (his favourite) and decided he wanted to become a Karateka.

Then at the age of twelve an angel visited him and brought a message that he should consider being a priest. Without wasting time he went for dedication and prayer so that he could seek God's guidance. However, when he was a teenager he had become too naughty that he could no longer become a priest so he bought a scooter and thought he could be a racer. Years later he still dreams on and actually has currently turned to be a stand-up comedian. 

started changing

However, in ll his dreams and hard challenges on his way there has been a really STRONG, CARING AND LOVING woman who has supported him all along. His mum and brother have always been there for him.

Also he has really come to love and treasure his grandmother who has always been an inspiration to him. She first natured him when he was small. 

Once upon a time William was really a soccer player. In primary he was called "Mazario" named after Ronaldo Luis Mazario the legend Brazilian striker . He played for the Embakasi Stars when he was young and Later went and joined The Maroons in High school. He played soccer and hoped that one day he would emulate his role model Ronaldo and score many goals for his country.

William was lucky, he had family and friends surrounding him all along when he was growing up. In happy times, bad times and challenging times William will always have his family's support and this would bring a smile to his face. Even when he lost his grandfather, his family was there for him.  He also loved to have tea. 

Years later, his family is all grown up and some of them taller than him. They have all come from far and he is very happy that they have made it this far. William is really humbled and gives thanks to everyone of them and above all God for his support and love. 

Being someone who really enjoys being with friends and supporting them, he went ahead to college and made really good friends from all over the world. This people mean a lot to him and he really is grateful for having met them. However, he hopes that one day he will convenience one of his lady friends to marry him. 

As always William loves to smile as he believes that a Smile is the greatest make-up that a human being could apply on his face. Also it is scientifically proven that it takes less muscles to smile than to Frown. He continues to smile despite many challenges that have come his way. He wants to bless everyone with his handsome smile. 

After many years William is now grown-up and achieved a lot in his life. However, he thinks that this is just a beginning of great things to come. The last couple of years have really been great and challenging but it looks promising that the next ones will be more rewarding. He is thanking God for the many blessing so far . 

TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR ANOTHER YEAR IN WILLIAM'S LIFE. HE HAS BEEN THERE TO GIVE A HELPING HAND TO SUPPORT HIM. HE THANKS HIS PARENTS FOR EVERYTHING AND HIS SIBLINGS FOR THE HAPPY MEMORIES. HE THANKS HIS FRIENDS FOR SUPPORT AND ALL THE CHILDHOOD MEMORIES TOGETHER.

HOWEVER HE PRAYS THAT GOD WILL HELP HIM FIND A GOOD WIFE WITH WHOM TOGETHER THEY WILL RAISE HAPPY, GOD-FEARING AND INTELLIGENT CHILDREN THAT WILL GIVE THEM JOY, HAPPINESS, PEACE AND MEMORIES.  

#HAPPYBIRTHDAYWILLIAM #THANKYOUGODFAMILYSIBLINGSFRIENDSLOVEDONES #GOODMEMORIESAREMADEOFTHIS

©William Murithi 2014

An Open Letter to My Mystery Lover

“Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it” –Rabindranath Tagore

Pen and paper on my desk. I am staring into thin microfilm set on the screen. My mind has wondered for a while. Where do I start? How do I even start? Though, I have never seen you in person. But through our conversations it feels like I have known you forever. I think I know you. I have grown from liking your voice to missing you. I can only imagine how it would feel. To see you, touch you, pinch your nose and tell you "YOU MUST KNOW PEOPLE." Just four words in my mouth right now "I KEEP MY PROMISES". A quick affirmation, as I make a mental note. Yes, I will……Keep my Promises……….. 

As I sit curled on the couch, with my calm demeanour, not knowingly ignoring my surroundings. I stare at the moving images on the screen. A big sigh, then I reach out with my long triangular shaped fingers. They reach out to caress your dimpled cheeks, like if you are standing next to me. I am lost in my thoughts, from deep within. With a smile on my face, I acknowledge the beautiful works of Abba Father. Seems he took ages to conceptualize your intricate beauty. Your face speaks volumes of the mason's craftiness. His value on his works is beyond reprieve. As usual “Perfect in your imperfections” just as John Legend  would have put it. I can’t help but notice the gorgeous pair of eyes staring at me. Whoever coined the phrase “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” might have had you in mind. Your nose sits flattering beyond the borough of your boundary cheek bones. A big sigh, then I make a mental note. I’d love to see your eyes when you blush………..lashes in synchronized movement, up to down strokes.

Nothing is of distraction like the tone of my ringing phone. I look up with anticipation. Reach out for it and a smile engulfs my gloomy face. How I have longed for your call. Just to hear your voice. For a reason beyond my knowledge, not even I could imagine. The thrill of speaking to you, as minute after minute passes by without a damn worry. As we share our day’s escapades, our small talk, life’s secrets and the witty use of another’s words. How did we get here? It feels like I have known you all my life. Goodness, did I just tell you that. Ooooops, how you

read my face, even from a distance amazes me to this day. It makes me want to run, run like Kipchoge, who has seen the golden necklace half a marathon away. Run like a hungry cheetah that knows it has to get only one meal before it dies. Just to grab you by your armpits, toss you in the air as I await your triumphant return to my long mob-shaped arms. I tremble with desire, that’s shocking my body’s strong resilience. I succumb to my heart’s ignorant love. That bites like a 20 year old crocodile. I can’t help but node to my thoughts, I make a mental note. I have to make all funny faces when I see you……………

“A quick walk to the poolside will salvage my weary loneliness” so I think. Or maybe might even take a swim, to chill my already warmed up spine. Just to distract my mind, and focus on the grind.  As I stroll lazily by the pool, I can’t help but imagine you seated by the pool side. As you catch up with the sweet rays from the sun above. Your multi-coloured (I mean purple-greenish brown) swim suit glued to your curvaceous body like your skin. Pampered with natural oils, your skin is a blinding sight. You seem to have come from a ripe corn bean. However, the sight of a grasshopper scares the hell out of your comfy zone. This, allows me to catch a gratifying look at the specs of your well-toned torso from the side. I drool, as your posterior dimensions could entice the sleeping Medina out of his slanderous ambitions. Without hesitation I make a mental note to self. Next time I need to carry a 100 megapixels Canon camera, to capture moments that take my breath away…………

A tear slides down the already dry cheek bone. A sign that hurriedly blends with the incredible emotions deep-rooted in the annals of my veins gives way. Without hesitation, I reach out to your heart. If only you could accept my proposal, If only you’d be mine. Nothing would make me happier than to wake up next to you. “How long will you love me?”  (I hear your voice from a far). “As long as the stars are above you, as long as I can, as long as I breathe, I will love you” Ellie Goulding . Not long to go, before I hear a thunder followed by a brightening light. For a while, I stood my fists covering my eyes, as fear engulfed my palms. What has just happened? Did I see an angel? As I pondered my experiences I could not help but make a mental note. From now henceforth, I will call you my Angel, Angel, from above the skies………..

As for now I keep my mind looking, my eyes listening and my ears open. As I await to spot that cute smile, that beautiful face somewhere amidst the crowd. I know my heart races, my mind keeps imaging, and my fingers twinkle. All with anticipation to feel, to imagine, and to touch your outbound evidenced body. But again, patience is a virtue that waits without complaint. Waits with a boundless smile, ready in anticipation years down the while. I trust in God, the author of the "STORY OF MY LIFE", the Alfa and Omega. To know what He has in store for me. For now, I take a pen and paper. I want to scribble and draw your face. Just to be sure of what to say just in case. I see you one of these fine days. I can’t help but be amused, by our continued embellished jellying with quiet a loving tone. I'm in awe of your sweet toned laughter. That not only feels my heart with joy, but also leaves my mind with forestalled anxiety. As for now, I can’t help but make a mental note. I need to make a call and set up that much anticipated date…………….check your phone in case you missed my call.

©William Murithi 2014

DO YOU SELL FISH OR YOU ARE ACTUALLY SELFISH?

Picture a fish-monger in a marketplace full of raw fish, whether fresh or rotten? Do you smell the odor? Worse still, they go through their duties cutting through the intestines without a slight care of the scent emanating from this delicacy. Sometimes, I wonder whether those who maraud as fish-eaters really understand the procedure to getting it on the table. Even after eating their whole tilapia and licking their fingers all through, finally realize their fingers are smelly. Come on, a fish-monger has done the dirty work, why are you so hysterical. Anyway it’s simple, they are in the business of SELLING FISH, while you, you eating that fish, you are SELFISH. Indeed, this is proven beyond reasonable doubt, never been to the lake but complain when you see the price of tilapia on the menu. Never bisected a fish, but still complain when the tail is missing.

Sometimes I wonder is it that I'm that selfish, have I really been generous with myself? My

heart? My thoughts, My resources? A quick flash back and boooooom, reality checks in. A myriad of emotions flow, almost a tear falls down my cheek (Not that am that emotional). What could I have done better? Did it really necessitate that reaction, what was I supposed to do? As I seat and ask these sticky questions, I realize that some moments have really made me a selfish being. However, there are other experiences that have revealed my generous side. Once and for all, I feel it’s time to set the record straight. All around me nowadays I see, smell, taste, hear and touch selfishness? Are we selfish beings by nature? Are we taught to be selfish? Do we become selfish by design? What really makes us selfish? see Top acts of Selfishness here.

Now, allow me to delve into the root of this menace. Growing up as a kid was the best experience of my life. Imagine waking up and looking forward to what the day had to offer. Without a damn care of what’s happening to the world. Always, ecstatic to rush to school with your lunch box exerting weight on your back in addition to the books that followed you like your shadow. Man, nothing really was essential than meeting the hood kids in the evening and getting down to a game of soccer or watching 4 o’clock cartoon…..Johny Bravo, Donald duck, Flinstones, Scoooby Doooby Dooooooo. I mean, in the whole world we cared for nothing but friends, family and of course our enemies too. Remember those friendship breakups that lasted minutes or days, long enough till your proclaimed enemy acquired the latest model of bicycle, BMX? Then all the accumulated anger just disappeared without a trace? Remember, the first time your scolding neighbor’s dad or better still your dad walked in carrying a 14 inch colored TV set? Or the day your worst enemy acquired a PlayStation?   As I remember in my childhood, enmity never lasted past a certain limit. There were always reconciliatory opportunities that went beyond the adult’s own sense of understanding.

However, this was the order of the day from January till November. Then the month of
December came with all its intrigues and some unforeseen humiliation not forgetting the adrenalin rush that culminated to a big bash on Christmas Eve or a trip upcountry. I remember very well that we always looked forward to getting new stuff, clothing, shoes, presents, I mean everything that went with the Christmas celebrations apart from seeing a real Father Christmas (the one with a flying chariot dropping presents over the chimney).But I wonder how many houses had a chimney then, this would have been a blander if he was to drop by.  If I can clearly remember every kid in the estate or should I say those lucky enough to have caring parents would run their mouths to spread the gospel of their new possessions, mostly right immediately an argument unfolded. They would narrate how their mum or dad had showered them with all the niceties as well as the overzealous promises that were on their way to fruition either from their parents, uncles, unties or in exception cases their maid’s sneaky boyfriend (Had to bring this up).

Needless to say, some of these arguments were unwarranted for just some way to show off. I mean even our parents played the game. Why would our parents work their sweat throughout the year to make sure their kids had the best designs, toys or holiday get away, while you ate chicken or chapos utmost twice a year? I bet you, this was a supremacy battle between our parents. They wanted to show off, I am sure if a parent wanted to find out what went on in their neighbor’s house they’d easily involve their kid in a chit chat. This was actually manifested by the rate at which the so called Greatwall black &white TVs disappeared in the estate. In a matter of months most households had a Color TV in their sitting room tucked in a wall unit. If I’d actually give a marketing advice to the Digital Migration team, STOP COURT BATTLES, USE KIDS TO SPREAD THE DIGITAL MIGRATION IN THE ESTATE THROUGH A COMMERCIAL. I think kids are more effective marketers for products, I mean how much stuff do kids make their parents buy from the supermarket, and they even know the best brands more than their parents who just look at the cheapest option.

Our parent’s rivalry didn’t actually stop there. It was extended to the family; hence sibling rivalry became order of the day. I mean, if you happen to be the first born in a family of more than four siblings you will understand. There was no notice to stop celebrating your birthday, nor getting a Christmas outfit just after your 11^th birthday, if you were lucky to have had that so many. All over a sudden your younger siblings would incidentally attract all the attention. Whatever, they said or did was the gospel truth and actions were never questioned. In fact, you suffered the consequences for not been there to look after your younger siblings. Mind you, at this age something was naturally happening to your slender, less built body. Be it your croaking voice, bulging shoulders, or chest, your growing forest in the middle of no terrain. I mean it was like if the world and its inhabitants had colluded to clobber you with embarrassment. 

Remember the many nights you’d pretend to be asleep while actually you were planning how to commit a treacherous crime the next day. How many times you actually planned on disappearing from the face of the earth without a trace. Just because you had actually broke a glass, torn your uniform or accidentally lost money you were sent to buy oil or bread. All because your friends’ game was too attractive to just pass-by. GFF, the 80's and 90's were so much fun to grow in. 

However, with or without their knowledge our parents had really inculcated some selfishness in our arteries and young brains. It really didn’t take much effort, because their actions either translated into competition among siblings or with the hood kids on what your parents could afford or not. Nothing went unnoticed even the slightest additions to the flower gardens that sometimes were covered with cactus and grass. Needless to say, shifting to an upmarket estate felt like taking a chartered plane to the USA or England. This would be the talk of every kid notwithstanding their interest.

Why did I narrate all this? Why have I wasted my time in scribbling such a long narrative that will only be read halfway or first and last paragraph if am lucky. Anyway no matter the situation, the truth is all that’s happening today is as a result of these outrageous nonetheless innocent actions by our “loving parents”. The world today is full of competitive individuals seeking to outlive or outdo each other. Look at the statistics, the number of nonperforming loans taken from the banks. The hefty mortgages to buy that home better than your childhood

estate mate or friend. The rushed decisions to take your child to an international school at the age of 4 years to prove your status. The many broken marriages with estranged wives or husbands that are consumed by bitterness.  Is this a coincidence? Does it stem from somewhere? I mean in some families see the court cases filed to dispossess others from their rightful or otherwise acquired inheritance. Look at the many witchdoctors’ advertisements cropping all over the place. Look at the unexplained if not ridiculous kidnappings involving lovers, families and relatives.

Where did we go wrong? What happened to the society? I mean our girls and women are stealing our dads from their wives, our fathers are flying all over the place with girls their daughters’ age, or their best friend’s wives? All the young men losing their virginity, to women their grannies or mothers’ age, all in the name of paper making, or chasing windward dreams to a land of “Opportunities.”

What has befallen our people is it really worth the hustles, bustles or even that pain from

realizing the losses. When did we become this selfish? Is it in our blood lines, our genes, or just carried over from our parents? I have come to appreciate one thing, though sometimes we have to be selfish to accomplish some goals in life, also being selfless can make one prosper. But for heaven’s sake where does one draw the line? How should we differentiate between the two? Have we lost it with a silly act of innocence? Can we unlearn our acquired selfishness and be objective towards our lives. Has life given us so many lemons until we forgot what an orange tasted like?  

As I end this, I still am faced with lots of unanswered questions? Is selfishness a good thing, Is it worth it? God, help me to see beyond my selfishness, enable me to steer away from my individualistic bargain and be inclusive, considerate, and generous. As you saw the widow who gave her whole or the time you fed thousands with five loaves and two fish of bread. That’s what I want to be, give my whole and when I have food and am hungry, always think about the thousands more who are hungry. I want to be selfless not selfish. 

“ I believe It’s the rut we are in that blinds us from living an objective Life, Live your life and not other people’s lives, Judge your actions based on your set goals, not other people's achievements, and cut your coat according to your size, not your EGO" William Murithi

© William Murithi 2014

-My One and Only-

A minute spent away from you, seems like walking barefoot a mile,

A thought about you, always runs my lips with a beautiful smile,
And the feelings I have for you, are stronger than bile,

Yes this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only smile.

From when I set my eyes on you, I realised the true meaning of love,

I always imagined that if you, had wings, you'd be the prettiest dove,

Just the way you are truly made for you, makes me want to groove, 

Yes, this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only love.

Before I make my feelings known to you, I will first kneel and pray,
I will know that it is you, from what my Papa from above will say,

After I will forever be close to you, from dawn to the earliest sun ray,

Yes, this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only ray.

Deep down my heart it's all about you, you make me weak deep within,
I always find myself daydreaming about you, that I have grown thin,

Nothing steals my heart from you, nor will it bring goosebumps on my skin,
Yes, this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only deep within.

Written by William Murithi © 2014