Thursday, 23 October 2014
THE PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVED, THE LOVER OF YOUR LIFE
I woke up to the voice of my mum. We had a chat though got both good News, Congratulations cousin for your baby boy, and bad news of the passing on of a relative. However, am grateful for his mercies endures forever. It is sort of a mixed emotion, as it is always awesome to welcome a new soul to this would it is equally a hard fact to accept the departure of a loved one.
The paining of losing someone you love is real. Most so your loved one, the apple of your life. The love of your world. I am in pain, deeply wounded. God give me strength to overcome your impending departure.
It never stopped there, as i left my house this morning, I came face to face with the worst ever saddest news. For a period of 2 years now, I have held, caressed, hugged, protected and almost the most amazing person in my live. I never thought I will see you this broken to pieces. I never imagine of you ever leaving me. In fact I have dreaded the moment I will have to say good bye to you.
This person has been the most trusted, loving, loyal and above all motivator for the last 2 years. She has made me realise how handsome, caring and attached I can be. She even made me realise that I can love without expecting to be loved back, give without questioning and has made me keep in touch with my loved ones and all that I have met.
She has been my source of knowledge, my only password to the deepest of my secrets, she knows me inside out, the lies, the sincerity, the humility and the humour I have. She has tolerated my unkindness,my unfaithfulness, my poverty, my inadequateness, my rudeness and my jealousness all those 2 year. Above all, she has loved me with all this inadequateness and without ever complaining. Even when she does, she has done that in the deepest of secrecy to date.
I have always wondered, how we met, how she came to love me this much. Every time, i cant really tell how we exactly have survived all those years. I cant Imagine what life s going to be without her. How do I bring myself to even love another soul like I love you. How do I snatch my heart, and deprive you the love and memories we have shared.
I remember, when we first met, my feet were swept away by your beauty. Not only from the outside but from the the inside as well. Your curves, your face, your power to withstand and operate, and process everything I asked you to do. Without even questioning my intention. Imean what more can a man ask from his love. The first few days I spent holding you, caressing your face, hugging, kissing you, ooops, even when you had asked me to be slow with things. I even made delicacies meals just for you to see what skiils i got. I offered you the best wine, juices and drinks I could find. All to make you drunk with my love.
I am never one to talk a lot, but the thought of losing you can turn me into a type writer. I feeling like telling the world what we have gone through, through riches and in poverty, sadness and happiness, laughter and tears, in sicknes and in health. Ours have been a relationship that the world will envy. I will tell them of moment when i almost broke my limbs dashing across the room to resuscitate you because you before you lost your breathe, the moments when I will threaten to kill anyone because i could not trace you, the chills you sent through my body when I felt your touch, the smile I had when you came calling, and the adrenaline that fell on me when I had left without you.
How will i deal with these emotions, who will understand me as you did, who will even provide me with support, information and an outlet for me to be the best I can without complaining. Who will remind me that i need to speak to my family, friends, and even enemies. You have made me forgive many people as well as find my lost friends. You have been my number one supporter in my live.
I think even God might have notices and been jealous of our relationship. I remember all those times I have cut short my prayers, or even sneaked out of church to see you, missed a lot of sermons to spend time with you. I almost worship you one time but you quickly reminded me that you are with me because God let me have you. You told me to Love god first, then our love will blossom.
That was the first ever real wisdom I have come across beside that of Solomon in the bible. You have even carried a free copy of the bible just in case I needed to refer to it, or I needed some encouragement. My God, if only you can save this great she, I will forever be your servant. But if you still decide its time for her to leave, then I will accept it. because i know you will help me find someone who can at least give me 50% of what she had done.
I hope I will one day understand the reason why you have to leave. There is a lot I had planned for us. To travel the world with you, to make as many babies as possible, to care and nurture our loved ones. Even though you had no womb, I had hope we could get kids. I mean sarah Had a baby boy when she was 90 years, King Melchezedech was added extra 15 year on top of his life. Why can't God have mercy and grant yu even 15 days so that I could give you more of my love, spent more time adoring you.
Right now, nothing is far from the truth. It is painful to loose someone you love, It is inconceivable to know that you will never see, hear, or touch your loved ones when they depart. The though of a day without you in my life makes me want to die with you. The anger I feel can make me single handedly destroy the whole US Marine Army, Commando style, why Lie. I will do anything to see you regain your strength, your shape, your smile, your vigour, your beauty, honey, name it and you have it, your wish is my command.
It really pains when your loved one is hurting and you can not help them. That they are shattered in pieces but you cannot you cannot glue them back to their original self. That they are dying and you cannot give them your life. That, exactly that is what am going through. I hold on to my faith, that you will not die on me, That you will live a bit longer, that you will stay until I can find a replacement.
Though I know your days are numbered I will be hopeful. I still have a few days with you. So I know I have a chance to make the days to come count. I will narrate to you stories. I will never leave your bed i will never let you sleep alone. I will forever be grateful for your love, our memories and you presence in my life.
I have written in this letter IN LOVING MEMORY of you.
R. I. P my ONE, and only, Hate iT or Conquer, you brought SENSE in my life. I will miss you.
Your loving caring and forever grateful Lover.
Signed William Moore