Tuesday, 13 February 2018

VALENTINES CONFESSIONS: INSTAGRAM LOVE AFFAIR!


Dear MW,

“I have a relationship…………”

It is a strong one. Like an addiction, and it’s a bad one. Really bad, it’s one that has made me love more. So, I feel you need to know. That’s why I can share this with you. Because it’s because of the love that I can share with you. It has allowed me to be myself. I know this right now might come as a shock. But I just wanted to let you know that…….
 “I AM IN LOVE WITH INSTAGRAM aka ‘Insta’.”

 It became an addiction, sometimes too bad and very destructive. I could NOT do much because of Instagram. Then I started to ignore it. But it would be calling all the time. So, I decided to cheat on it with my mistresses Facebook aka ‘FB’ and Twitter aka ‘tweeter’. because I’m the one who linked them up.

So, to hide my shame for being caught I decided to break up with Instagram. I’d do it from time to time. But in the beginning, I must admit it was hard. I really would miss Insta and we would get back together. It became an on and off kinda relationship. It was not easy but after a while, we decided to be friends. So, I’d see Insta on and off but still not feel bad about it.

Then it happens that through my friendship with Insta, I met a lovely awesome lady. How it happened I am in awe. I feel like I’m gonna wake up one day and find it’s a nightmare. I am afraid that I’d be disappointed as I like this beautiful lady so much. She’s like an angel sent by God to me; very motivating, caring and one funny character who keeps laughing at my stupid jokes. For instance, I shared a picture of a rhino and it’s made her crack up since then. She even made me write a poem using this Rhino. Something I’ve never done before. We nicknamed him Mr Prince Rhino.

With our conversations every day, I have found myself again. I’m always thinking about her and even look forward to seeing her already, God willing. Because she lives thousands of miles away. Fortunately, there’s a trip coming up soon which I was invited to just the next day after I met her. I’m in awe of God’s doing. I know that she’s reading this as I write wondering WTF is this dude talking about. Today, I woke up at dawn to find Insta looking at me. She said I have several of her messages that I was supposed to read because, apparently, she could not sleep as she’d fallen in love with my blog. Alas. Kumbe she went behind the scene and was investigating my background. I had forgotten about this blog until she mentioned it. Aki! this should have been a warning. She’s really good at investigations; I bet better than CSI and FBI combined (you can take this to the bank).

So apparently, her messages are all full of encouragements for me to go back to writing
Works by directionman( Instagram)
again. She said things that felt like flattering. I can remember her using words like “your writing is very inspiring”, “you are very creative”, “you are very blessed”-just to mention a few. I couldn’t reply because Satan is Evil. A prolific liar. I fell asleep, couldn’t keep my eyes open. But I remember being filled with profound jealous. Not sure if it was because of this picture she sent me captioned “Mood” that was taken wearing a pj and cuddling this big, white, fierce-faced, manly bear on her side. I cannot imagine that I didn’t spot the small, bearish, fluffy, brown bear just next to her face, whom I later learnt was named ‘’Bobby” aka our kafirst born. Waah.

I really wanted to trade places with the big bear known as “Robby”. I swear I did dream of several ways to stage a murder that will make sure that Robby disappeared completely. But apparently my brain seems to be acting up and I can’t remember if there was anyone of my ideas that could succeed in eliminating Robby. How now? Waaat! How did I mention this? Damn. She’s a great investor and has a big brother who is a legal advocate of the high court. I better start praying for my @** and write a will asap. I hope if I survived this small investment, a total of eight reserved comments, strong Goodwill accumulated over the past few days, and many treasured moments shared together will get me by. Anyway, sorry for the diversion. Back to the picture.

Works by directionman( Instagram)
I have never ever in my life seen such a beautiful face in a pj. On second thought, she did downplay her beauty and innocence when I brought it up later. But as for me I am convinced beyond reasonable doubt that she’s the most beautiful diamond in the middle of the Sahara Desert, to the moon and back. Nothing compares to her beauty. Not even the beautiful princess in the “beauty and the beast” story. She’s also got brains, man. Did I mention she’s the baddest upcoming agronomist in town? Yes, baby, she’s finalizing her public head damage in agronomy. Never lied in my life for someone but I will lie for this beauty with brains, queen of the Sahara, conqueror of my temple (heart). This is a story for another day.
But now that it’s out immah pray to Papa about it. She’s one of those angels who love and cherish “Papa God”. Ooooh my, she ticks so many boxes. Yaani, carton, wooden, plastic, clay, all the…boxes. She’s charming and delicious at the same time. I have no idea what she’s thinking after reading this. But one thing I’m sure is that she wasn’t expecting that she’ll be reading such a long confession. I told her not to get me started with this. But nah she wouldn’t listen. She just had to invoke this “nikka’s” creative juice. I bet she couldn’t wait to taste some since she started smelling the beautiful aroma that came from reading some of my articles. Eeeh…

SCENARIO 1: She might have taken me seriously when I mentioned I’d given up on a relationship and decided not to talk to me no more. Damn… did I mess it up already, just when it was getting better and better? Oooh Gosh, I should have heeded the warning she sent out. I knew I had not prayed about this but I was sure I wanted to tell her since if she discovered it herself, I knew she would not forgive me. It would be the end of a beautiful story. One that perhaps would never be written. Because it ended no sooner than it started.
SCENARIO 2: she gave up reading the trail of my writing. Perhaps she’s too busy with her work. Perhaps she’s a bit moody now. Perhaps she’s been called to a meeting. Perhaps she’s tired of waiting for me to finish writing up. I remember she once complained that I was writing a lot. I almost told her it’s because I’m a writer and have so much to say. Or maybe tell her that I was secretly falling for her and my fingers, heart and mind were colluding to make her head over heels for this “Nikkah” from the slopes of Mt. Kenya. But nah. Just played it coolio and finished the sentence then pressed send button. Just like our "Sexy Stacey" would do.

Sexy Stacey
Picked up the convo from where I left it. How amazing can an impromptu connection bring such beautiful moments like this? Yaani, in our chit chat, I have found myself quoting several verses from “psalms” to “songs of Solomon” to “Ecclesiastes” I’m I considered being wise among the wise like King Solomon? Some of these verses I don’t think that I’ve read them at all. Yet, I seem to be an expert second to Solomon…On matters of the heart (love). I have retraced my devotion book and become a persistent reader again. I have developed a unique theorem of understanding between relationships and financial investment, and agronomy. Not yet tested and confirmed. But is sure promising to produce a bumper harvest (or in financial terms, “high returns”).  I have gone to sleep smiling ear to ear despite the tiredness that comes through my day to day work.

 Finally, several minutes after she vanished on me…I’m still writing this article. Not able to find the perfect words or scenario to finish it. But I must cease since some work is awaiting me. In fact, at my face like “WHO DEY THINK YOU ARE”. NOW, lastly, (hopefully). . .


SCENARIO 3: After reading the first three paragraphs, she’s discovered that my much
Mr Prince Rhino
hyped ‘CONFESSION’ was just a big hoax. Damn! How could she even get to discover that it was a cover-up to woo her to read the whole article? Arrrgh. Why would she even abandon me whilst still writing for her this important article? I guess we’ll have to wait and see if she turns up to read the rest. Then see her face after reading this. I can bet you she’ll send me Mr Rhino’s picture with a caption like “Will, you are a damn fool,”-but she’ll go ahead and add those beautiful adjectives describing how blessed, creative, talented, funny and intelligent I am. Aaah. I’m being full of myself now. Maybe it’s me trying to pick up my EGO which I can attest at this moment it’s either contributed to my perishing, or to very prosperous and loving memories that shall be created ahead and last from now until the end of days. The latter is my sincere prayer to God. That since ‘we’ believe that God is the author and finisher, “Alpha and Omega’ he will reveal everything in his own time.


And with these few words, I would like to confess that I no longer love Instagram to the point of addiction or being destructive, but I have fallen in love with Instagram all over again because of the beautiful caring and inspiring lady she’s introduced me to. So, help me, God. The last couple of days have really been awesome. In this prayer, I pray that God opens our eyes and fulfils the desires of our hearts. That in his beautiful time he’ll reveal what he has in store for us. With these few words, I want to say that in case you don’t find me on Instagram or just in case Instagram is jealous because of the attention I give you when she’s just watching us, you can always reach me via her twin WhatsApp on ××××××××××××. Hoping to hear from you soon. END OF MY CONFESSION! Aka RANTING. FOR NOW. BACK TO WORK.

MW &WM

Guess what? Yeah, you might have guessed this right. My face right now is waiting for your reply after you read to the END.

Yours sincerely.


Signed by MW&WM






HAPPY VALENTINES MY LOVEY






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