An Open Letter to My Mystery Lover

“Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it” –Rabindranath Tagore

Pen and paper on my desk. I am staring into thin microfilm set on the screen. My mind has wondered for a while. Where do I start? How do I even start? Though, I have never seen you in person. But through our conversations it feels like I have known you forever. I think I know you. I have grown from liking your voice to missing you. I can only imagine how it would feel. To see you, touch you, pinch your nose and tell you "YOU MUST KNOW PEOPLE." Just four words in my mouth right now "I KEEP MY PROMISES". A quick affirmation, as I make a mental note. Yes, I will……Keep my Promises……….. 

As I sit curled on the couch, with my calm demeanour, not knowingly ignoring my surroundings. I stare at the moving images on the screen. A big sigh, then I reach out with my long triangular shaped fingers. They reach out to caress your dimpled cheeks, like if you are standing next to me. I am lost in my thoughts, from deep within. With a smile on my face, I acknowledge the beautiful works of Abba Father. Seems he took ages to conceptualize your intricate beauty. Your face speaks volumes of the mason's craftiness. His value on his works is beyond reprieve. As usual “Perfect in your imperfections” just as John Legend  would have put it. I can’t help but notice the gorgeous pair of eyes staring at me. Whoever coined the phrase “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” might have had you in mind. Your nose sits flattering beyond the borough of your boundary cheek bones. A big sigh, then I make a mental note. I’d love to see your eyes when you blush………..lashes in synchronized movement, up to down strokes.

Nothing is of distraction like the tone of my ringing phone. I look up with anticipation. Reach out for it and a smile engulfs my gloomy face. How I have longed for your call. Just to hear your voice. For a reason beyond my knowledge, not even I could imagine. The thrill of speaking to you, as minute after minute passes by without a damn worry. As we share our day’s escapades, our small talk, life’s secrets and the witty use of another’s words. How did we get here? It feels like I have known you all my life. Goodness, did I just tell you that. Ooooops, how you

read my face, even from a distance amazes me to this day. It makes me want to run, run like Kipchoge, who has seen the golden necklace half a marathon away. Run like a hungry cheetah that knows it has to get only one meal before it dies. Just to grab you by your armpits, toss you in the air as I await your triumphant return to my long mob-shaped arms. I tremble with desire, that’s shocking my body’s strong resilience. I succumb to my heart’s ignorant love. That bites like a 20 year old crocodile. I can’t help but node to my thoughts, I make a mental note. I have to make all funny faces when I see you……………

“A quick walk to the poolside will salvage my weary loneliness” so I think. Or maybe might even take a swim, to chill my already warmed up spine. Just to distract my mind, and focus on the grind.  As I stroll lazily by the pool, I can’t help but imagine you seated by the pool side. As you catch up with the sweet rays from the sun above. Your multi-coloured (I mean purple-greenish brown) swim suit glued to your curvaceous body like your skin. Pampered with natural oils, your skin is a blinding sight. You seem to have come from a ripe corn bean. However, the sight of a grasshopper scares the hell out of your comfy zone. This, allows me to catch a gratifying look at the specs of your well-toned torso from the side. I drool, as your posterior dimensions could entice the sleeping Medina out of his slanderous ambitions. Without hesitation I make a mental note to self. Next time I need to carry a 100 megapixels Canon camera, to capture moments that take my breath away…………

A tear slides down the already dry cheek bone. A sign that hurriedly blends with the incredible emotions deep-rooted in the annals of my veins gives way. Without hesitation, I reach out to your heart. If only you could accept my proposal, If only you’d be mine. Nothing would make me happier than to wake up next to you. “How long will you love me?”  (I hear your voice from a far). “As long as the stars are above you, as long as I can, as long as I breathe, I will love you” Ellie Goulding . Not long to go, before I hear a thunder followed by a brightening light. For a while, I stood my fists covering my eyes, as fear engulfed my palms. What has just happened? Did I see an angel? As I pondered my experiences I could not help but make a mental note. From now henceforth, I will call you my Angel, Angel, from above the skies………..

As for now I keep my mind looking, my eyes listening and my ears open. As I await to spot that cute smile, that beautiful face somewhere amidst the crowd. I know my heart races, my mind keeps imaging, and my fingers twinkle. All with anticipation to feel, to imagine, and to touch your outbound evidenced body. But again, patience is a virtue that waits without complaint. Waits with a boundless smile, ready in anticipation years down the while. I trust in God, the author of the "STORY OF MY LIFE", the Alfa and Omega. To know what He has in store for me. For now, I take a pen and paper. I want to scribble and draw your face. Just to be sure of what to say just in case. I see you one of these fine days. I can’t help but be amused, by our continued embellished jellying with quiet a loving tone. I'm in awe of your sweet toned laughter. That not only feels my heart with joy, but also leaves my mind with forestalled anxiety. As for now, I can’t help but make a mental note. I need to make a call and set up that much anticipated date…………….check your phone in case you missed my call.

©William Murithi 2014

DO YOU SELL FISH OR YOU ARE ACTUALLY SELFISH?

Picture a fish-monger in a marketplace full of raw fish, whether fresh or rotten? Do you smell the odor? Worse still, they go through their duties cutting through the intestines without a slight care of the scent emanating from this delicacy. Sometimes, I wonder whether those who maraud as fish-eaters really understand the procedure to getting it on the table. Even after eating their whole tilapia and licking their fingers all through, finally realize their fingers are smelly. Come on, a fish-monger has done the dirty work, why are you so hysterical. Anyway it’s simple, they are in the business of SELLING FISH, while you, you eating that fish, you are SELFISH. Indeed, this is proven beyond reasonable doubt, never been to the lake but complain when you see the price of tilapia on the menu. Never bisected a fish, but still complain when the tail is missing.

Sometimes I wonder is it that I'm that selfish, have I really been generous with myself? My

heart? My thoughts, My resources? A quick flash back and boooooom, reality checks in. A myriad of emotions flow, almost a tear falls down my cheek (Not that am that emotional). What could I have done better? Did it really necessitate that reaction, what was I supposed to do? As I seat and ask these sticky questions, I realize that some moments have really made me a selfish being. However, there are other experiences that have revealed my generous side. Once and for all, I feel it’s time to set the record straight. All around me nowadays I see, smell, taste, hear and touch selfishness? Are we selfish beings by nature? Are we taught to be selfish? Do we become selfish by design? What really makes us selfish? see Top acts of Selfishness here.

Now, allow me to delve into the root of this menace. Growing up as a kid was the best experience of my life. Imagine waking up and looking forward to what the day had to offer. Without a damn care of what’s happening to the world. Always, ecstatic to rush to school with your lunch box exerting weight on your back in addition to the books that followed you like your shadow. Man, nothing really was essential than meeting the hood kids in the evening and getting down to a game of soccer or watching 4 o’clock cartoon…..Johny Bravo, Donald duck, Flinstones, Scoooby Doooby Dooooooo. I mean, in the whole world we cared for nothing but friends, family and of course our enemies too. Remember those friendship breakups that lasted minutes or days, long enough till your proclaimed enemy acquired the latest model of bicycle, BMX? Then all the accumulated anger just disappeared without a trace? Remember, the first time your scolding neighbor’s dad or better still your dad walked in carrying a 14 inch colored TV set? Or the day your worst enemy acquired a PlayStation?   As I remember in my childhood, enmity never lasted past a certain limit. There were always reconciliatory opportunities that went beyond the adult’s own sense of understanding.

However, this was the order of the day from January till November. Then the month of
December came with all its intrigues and some unforeseen humiliation not forgetting the adrenalin rush that culminated to a big bash on Christmas Eve or a trip upcountry. I remember very well that we always looked forward to getting new stuff, clothing, shoes, presents, I mean everything that went with the Christmas celebrations apart from seeing a real Father Christmas (the one with a flying chariot dropping presents over the chimney).But I wonder how many houses had a chimney then, this would have been a blander if he was to drop by.  If I can clearly remember every kid in the estate or should I say those lucky enough to have caring parents would run their mouths to spread the gospel of their new possessions, mostly right immediately an argument unfolded. They would narrate how their mum or dad had showered them with all the niceties as well as the overzealous promises that were on their way to fruition either from their parents, uncles, unties or in exception cases their maid’s sneaky boyfriend (Had to bring this up).

Needless to say, some of these arguments were unwarranted for just some way to show off. I mean even our parents played the game. Why would our parents work their sweat throughout the year to make sure their kids had the best designs, toys or holiday get away, while you ate chicken or chapos utmost twice a year? I bet you, this was a supremacy battle between our parents. They wanted to show off, I am sure if a parent wanted to find out what went on in their neighbor’s house they’d easily involve their kid in a chit chat. This was actually manifested by the rate at which the so called Greatwall black &white TVs disappeared in the estate. In a matter of months most households had a Color TV in their sitting room tucked in a wall unit. If I’d actually give a marketing advice to the Digital Migration team, STOP COURT BATTLES, USE KIDS TO SPREAD THE DIGITAL MIGRATION IN THE ESTATE THROUGH A COMMERCIAL. I think kids are more effective marketers for products, I mean how much stuff do kids make their parents buy from the supermarket, and they even know the best brands more than their parents who just look at the cheapest option.

Our parent’s rivalry didn’t actually stop there. It was extended to the family; hence sibling rivalry became order of the day. I mean, if you happen to be the first born in a family of more than four siblings you will understand. There was no notice to stop celebrating your birthday, nor getting a Christmas outfit just after your 11^th birthday, if you were lucky to have had that so many. All over a sudden your younger siblings would incidentally attract all the attention. Whatever, they said or did was the gospel truth and actions were never questioned. In fact, you suffered the consequences for not been there to look after your younger siblings. Mind you, at this age something was naturally happening to your slender, less built body. Be it your croaking voice, bulging shoulders, or chest, your growing forest in the middle of no terrain. I mean it was like if the world and its inhabitants had colluded to clobber you with embarrassment. 

Remember the many nights you’d pretend to be asleep while actually you were planning how to commit a treacherous crime the next day. How many times you actually planned on disappearing from the face of the earth without a trace. Just because you had actually broke a glass, torn your uniform or accidentally lost money you were sent to buy oil or bread. All because your friends’ game was too attractive to just pass-by. GFF, the 80's and 90's were so much fun to grow in. 

However, with or without their knowledge our parents had really inculcated some selfishness in our arteries and young brains. It really didn’t take much effort, because their actions either translated into competition among siblings or with the hood kids on what your parents could afford or not. Nothing went unnoticed even the slightest additions to the flower gardens that sometimes were covered with cactus and grass. Needless to say, shifting to an upmarket estate felt like taking a chartered plane to the USA or England. This would be the talk of every kid notwithstanding their interest.

Why did I narrate all this? Why have I wasted my time in scribbling such a long narrative that will only be read halfway or first and last paragraph if am lucky. Anyway no matter the situation, the truth is all that’s happening today is as a result of these outrageous nonetheless innocent actions by our “loving parents”. The world today is full of competitive individuals seeking to outlive or outdo each other. Look at the statistics, the number of nonperforming loans taken from the banks. The hefty mortgages to buy that home better than your childhood

estate mate or friend. The rushed decisions to take your child to an international school at the age of 4 years to prove your status. The many broken marriages with estranged wives or husbands that are consumed by bitterness.  Is this a coincidence? Does it stem from somewhere? I mean in some families see the court cases filed to dispossess others from their rightful or otherwise acquired inheritance. Look at the many witchdoctors’ advertisements cropping all over the place. Look at the unexplained if not ridiculous kidnappings involving lovers, families and relatives.

Where did we go wrong? What happened to the society? I mean our girls and women are stealing our dads from their wives, our fathers are flying all over the place with girls their daughters’ age, or their best friend’s wives? All the young men losing their virginity, to women their grannies or mothers’ age, all in the name of paper making, or chasing windward dreams to a land of “Opportunities.”

What has befallen our people is it really worth the hustles, bustles or even that pain from

realizing the losses. When did we become this selfish? Is it in our blood lines, our genes, or just carried over from our parents? I have come to appreciate one thing, though sometimes we have to be selfish to accomplish some goals in life, also being selfless can make one prosper. But for heaven’s sake where does one draw the line? How should we differentiate between the two? Have we lost it with a silly act of innocence? Can we unlearn our acquired selfishness and be objective towards our lives. Has life given us so many lemons until we forgot what an orange tasted like?  

As I end this, I still am faced with lots of unanswered questions? Is selfishness a good thing, Is it worth it? God, help me to see beyond my selfishness, enable me to steer away from my individualistic bargain and be inclusive, considerate, and generous. As you saw the widow who gave her whole or the time you fed thousands with five loaves and two fish of bread. That’s what I want to be, give my whole and when I have food and am hungry, always think about the thousands more who are hungry. I want to be selfless not selfish. 

“ I believe It’s the rut we are in that blinds us from living an objective Life, Live your life and not other people’s lives, Judge your actions based on your set goals, not other people's achievements, and cut your coat according to your size, not your EGO" William Murithi

© William Murithi 2014

-My One and Only-

A minute spent away from you, seems like walking barefoot a mile,

A thought about you, always runs my lips with a beautiful smile,
And the feelings I have for you, are stronger than bile,

Yes this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only smile.

From when I set my eyes on you, I realised the true meaning of love,

I always imagined that if you, had wings, you'd be the prettiest dove,

Just the way you are truly made for you, makes me want to groove, 

Yes, this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only love.

Before I make my feelings known to you, I will first kneel and pray,
I will know that it is you, from what my Papa from above will say,

After I will forever be close to you, from dawn to the earliest sun ray,

Yes, this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only ray.

Deep down my heart it's all about you, you make me weak deep within,
I always find myself daydreaming about you, that I have grown thin,

Nothing steals my heart from you, nor will it bring goosebumps on my skin,
Yes, this is all about you, my one and only, my one and only deep within.

Written by William Murithi © 2014